When Memories Brought Pain

I committed to one more post from my poetry days, so here it is.
However, before I share this last poem with you, it begs a bit of background.

As some of you know, I was adopted when I was a little girl. You can imagine that life before I was “rescued” was unsettling, to say the least. As a teenager, I had a hard time processing those early years. I wondered why God allowed certain things to happen. There were wounds and I struggled to understand why.

My Mom introduced me to Jesus the same year her and Dad adopted me. I learned that He was kind and loving and merciful. But still there remained this question deep within. If He was truly kind, if He was truly loving, if He was truly merciful, then how, how could He allow such awful things to happen to a little girl who couldn’t protect herself?

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I vividly remember the night I fought it out with my Maker. I questioned Him. I let Him know just what I thought about the whole thing. I retraced the memories, the moments when I was hurt the most. Where was He when that happened…and that?

And then I was still…and I waited…fervently and broken, for an answer.

It came.
Or shall I say, He came. Now, it’s hard to explain in words what exactly happened in the healing of my soul, but I will try. Because I feel you must know, that when life hurts the most–there is a Healer. I long for the aching ones to experience their Comforter.

The Good Shepherd came gently to this little broken lamb and showed me that all the bad stuff that made me sad, made Him sad, too. It broke His heart, too. He was there…He saw, and He hurt. But somehow, He would take the evil that was intended to harm me and use it for my good. Having been dealt a little suffering, my heart is tenderly aware of the hurting in others. Aware in a way that I couldn’t be, had I not experienced it in my own life.

And do you know what else Jesus did? He healed my wounds! The memory is still there…but all the pain is gone. Gone forever. And now all I see is the goodness of my Rescuer and what He has done.

In The Darkness
(Written when I was 15.)

In the darkness of the night I cry.
Something doesn’t seem so right, and why?
Thoughts so painful flood my mind of long ago.
I thought I’d left them far behind~tears flow.

I am the same as I was then, isn’t it so?
I don’t know how or why or when~so long ago.
I call to You and ask You why…tears I shed.
All that I can do is cry upon my bed.

But then a gleaming Light I see, and I feel
The loving touch that comforts me and always will.
You kiss away the tears upon my face,
And all the hurt I feel inside, You erase.

In the darkness of the night, I rest
My head till morning’s light upon Your chest.

5 Comments

  1. by Amanda on February 18, 2010  8:11 pm Reply

    Beautiful.

    The poem.
    You.
    Our Savior.

    ((hugs))

  2. by Christy on February 18, 2010  10:13 pm Reply

    Um, you nailed it!:) I'm eagerly waiting for the day of my healing, when He visits me and then the pain is gone, and it's turned to just a scar. Thank you so much for sharing. Your words are like a balm, a salve, a soft place...

  3. by Mandy B on February 26, 2010  5:44 pm Reply

    That's so neat, Maggie. There is a song Chris Rice sings called "Belong." If you haven't heard it you should. I'm sure it would be meaningful to you. It is a song that always reminds me of the kids out here at the Ranch that have been through circumstances like you went through as a child.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WclFbHAIcC0

  4. by Mandy B on February 26, 2010  12:47 pm Reply

    P.S. Are you taking these pictures you're posting? Very nice.

  5. by Anna S. on March 4, 2010  5:27 pm Reply

    So awesome Maggie! I'm so glad your parents adopted you.....since I've been thinking about how I would love to adopt someday, I love reading stories from people who have been adopted, they just absolutely warm my heart.

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