Reflections on the gift of a son

One year ago today, my life forever changed. Something indescribably wonderful happened–Gideon came to share life with us.

I remember that first slippery moment when he was handed to me. So tiny, so perfect…and he was ours? I loved him right away, but I was terrified. Whatever would I do with him? He was so warm against my chest and I was so scared. I swallowed hard. And prayed…Jesus help us!

Those were such fragile moments…the first time we drove him home, the first time we gave him a bath, the first time we took him to the store…didn’t anyone see how frightened I was? Surely they could read it all over my face.

I laugh now at our awkwardness. Probably the funniest moment was our first party. Normally, I would have walked in smiling big and making friendly conversation…but not that night.

I sat alone in a chair, cradling Gideon in my arms. A friend asked me if I wanted to play the game with the group. I sat there awkwardly…a game? But what would I do with him? My friend laughed. “One of us can hold him, Maggie.” “No, that’s okay,” I replied…and eventually retreated with Gideon to a quiet spot in a spare bedroom to try to calm my trembling heart.


Thankfully, it wasn’t too long before life became normal with this little bundle of joy. And everywhere we went, I heard the same phrase. Seriously, I heard it time and again from all kinds of people…in the grocery store, the restaurants, at church, with friends…

“Just enjoy the moments–it goes by way too fast.”

So, I decided that I would. And I have. So far. But, I thought that treasuring all these moments would have made time stand still, at least a little longer. I thought that paying attention would have eased the aching realization that time marches on and soon he’ll be big…and gone. But somehow, the ache is more intense. Why is that?

I watch him play…sit and stare when I should be doing other things. I study him more than I ever did my favorite subject. How can someone be so amazing? So hilarious? So incredibly, breathtakingly cute?

I have to watch…just a little longer…he’s learning things right before my eyes. I’m in awe.

Maggie, memorize this moment.

And then I feel the ache. He’s growing up…really? Already? It’s happening…he’ll be a man all to soon. He’ll step out into the world and see what it’s all about. The joy…the pain.

Ouch.

So, to ease the pain of fleeting moments–moments I want to embrace but can’t hold on to–I whisper thanks. Thanks to the One who gives us all our moments.

Thank You, Lord, for creating this little guy. Thank You for all that he’s teaching us about life. Please continue to give us wisdom as we raise him up to be a man who runs after You…a man after Your heart. As his name means, “Mighty Warrior,” Lord, make him courageous and strong, in a world that is often disillusioning and hostile. Fill him with love for You and people. Use him to rescue lives and point them to You–the Maker of all and Giver of every good and perfect gift.

3 Comments

  1. by Melissa on March 16, 2010  3:09 pm Reply

    Oh Maggie, how perfect! It brought tears to my eyes, as my Bubba turned 10 in February! I can say I loved my way through all stages, except potty training, that one I just cried through! lol Have fun, throw a Bubby sized party and thank God for a wonderful, life altering year!! Happy Birthday, Gideon!!

  2. by Molly on March 16, 2010  10:13 am Reply

    Happy Birthday Gideon!! Thanks for sharing your memories.

    If you can believe it, it goes even FASTER the second time! I think I savored moments with Shep even more, because I realized how fast that first year goes by.

  3. by Karen on March 16, 2010  5:06 pm Reply

    Happy Birthday, precious Gideon. You have brought much joy into the world=)!!

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