When You’re Stuck and Need to Change

We sit there in the Jeep for like half an hour in front of our friend’s house. They’ve invited Brent and I to a Christmas party and we’re supposed to go inside but right now we don’t like each other and we’d rather not pretend. 
We don’t agree. We don’t agree at all. He parents the kids one way and I the other and at the moment I’m thinking that what he does is absolutely terrible and what I do is not bad at all. After all, he’s the sinner and I’m the saint. But, really, I’m just full of pride and pride always makes the neck stiff and the nose go in the air and points the finger and heaps the blame. 
We’re stuck. He’s not budging and I’m not budging and I begin to feel awfully sorry for our kids who might  grow up dazed and confused and perhaps a bit disillusioned. Then comes that hopeless feeling. He’ll never change. I’ll never change. Nothing will ever change. Might as well give up. 

I silently pray. Lord, will You soften my heart? Will You show me where I’m wrong here? Will You help me like that guy over there? Love him? Maybe he has a point. Will You help me see? 
And I ask for help because I do believe there is a God who cares. A God who brought us both together and gives the grace that holds us both together and if He calls Himself the Helper, then why wouldn’t I go to Him? And I can’t say that I know exactly what grace is, but I wonder if it’s simply this—God’s help. The way He comes when we humble ourselves and ask for Him. 
So grace does come and it falls quiet like snow. It seeps in to my parched and broken heart and I can feel those cracked places softening. I ask Brent to forgive me and he likewise and I’m so thankful for a husband who bends and asks for help, too. 
We don’t have it altogether and I’m not sure we still see eye to eye, but we have a Jesus who helps us. A God who is there and comes when we ask. When we turn toward Him, He brings us close and back to each other and there’s all this hope for change. Because when grace is poured out on broken places, hope sprouts up and life buds new. 

3 Comments

  1. by Rob on December 18, 2011  11:26 pm Reply

    Maggie,

    Another great post....so honest, and so true.

    Full disclosure: You had me at "right now we don’t like each other and we’d rather not pretend". Thanks for sharing...love learning from you, my friend!

  2. by Al and Sherry on December 19, 2011  8:54 am Reply

    Yes, that was wonderful. Wish I could be that open and honest. Hope you have a wonderful Christmas! Love you, Al

  3. by Maggie Paulus on December 20, 2011  8:05 pm Reply

    Thank you, my friends. I open up here to tear down walls...between me and the people I love who take time to read this and between me and my God. Thankful for you.

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