The Proper Way to Take Over, I mean, Make Friends With a Cat

When you’re little, it’s hard to find people who will let you be the boss of them. It seems like everyone else just wants to be the boss of you. And you might get tired of that. You might begin to think that you have nothing really going for you. No room to call your own. No crayons to break just for the breaking. No walls to write on. No carpet to smear raisins in. No one to say to, “Hey! I have an idea! Why don’t we do everything I want to do today!”
And your life might get pretty depressing, I suppose….unless of course, you could find a way to make friends with a kitty.
Now, making friends with a cat can be very tricky. Felines don’t exactly trust humans, fully, I don’t think. So, it’s better to approach them before they’re older and more enlightened to the ways of wee folks like me.
Cats seem to have places to go. Especially when little people are in the region. And they have these bizarre social skills where they pretend like they’re not at all interested in the toddler species. Though, I’m certain it’s just act, to keep life interesting.
So,  it works best if you sneak up on them cautiously and carefully. It may also be helpful if you use your high-pitched squealing voice while repeating the phrase, “Heeeeeere, kitty kitty kitty….heeeeeerre, kitty kitty.”

Once you have captured the kitty in your loving clutches, you simply reassure them with your soft cooing voice that you only mean them good and not evil all the days of their nineteen lives.


Then you gingerly hoist the kitty into the air, and be careful not to drop. A kitty dropped is a kitty flee’d and it’s so darn hard to catch a kitty once it has flee’d.


If the kitty is good natured, she will let you taste her fur and be the boss, at least for a minute or two. When the kitty seems agitated, you may need to calm her nerves by singing, “I love you…foreeever…I’ll like you….for always…as long as I’m living, my kitty you’ll be.”


Once you have established a little dominance, be sure to let the kitty go. This is an important expercise in forming the friendship. If you don’t heed this last bit of advice, you will regret it.

A kitty scratch is a terrible thing. It hurts for days. And no wailing on your part will evoke the kitty’s sympathy or bring her back to your chubby little arms.

(An edited repost from way back when Gideon was just a little fella.)

1 Comment

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published.

More from Maggie

[jetpack_subscription_form title="Sign up with Maggie to keep finding glory in the grime!" subscribe_text="Enter your email address to subscribe"]