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1Youtherewithyourglory-starvedheartandyouronefleetinglifeIwantyoutohearMe... FINDINGGODATTHEKITCHENSINKMAGGIEPAULUSMOODYPUBLISHERSCHICAGO 2014byMaggiePaulusAllrightsreserved.Nopartofthisbookmaybereproducedinanyformwithoutpermissioninwrit-ingfromthepublisherexceptinthecaseofbriefquotationsembodiedincriticalarticlesorreviews.UnlessotherwiseindicatedScripturequotationsaretakenfromTheHolyBibleEnglishStandardVersion.Copyright20002001byCrosswayBiblesadivisionofGoodNewsPublishers.Usedbypermission.Allrightsreserved.ScripturequotationsmarkednivaretakenfromtheHolyBibleNewInternationalVersionNIV.Copyright1973197819842011byBiblicaInc.UsedbypermissionofZondervan.Allrightsreservedworldwide.www.zondervan.com.TheNIVandNewInternationalVersionaretrade-marksregisteredintheUnitedStatesPatentandTrademarkOfficebyBiblicaInc.ScripturequotationsmarkednkjvaretakenfromtheNewKingJamesVersion.Copyright1982byThomasNelsonInc.Usedbypermission.Allrightsreserved.ScripturequotationsmarkedtheMessagearefromTheMessagecopyrightbyEugeneH.Peterson199319941995.UsedbypermissionofNavPressPublishingGroup.Scriptureemphasiswasaddedbytheauthor.EditedbyBaileyUtechtCoverInteriordesignErikM.PetersonCoverphotoofwindowsillcopyright2014byMaggiePaulus.Allrightsreserved.Photographs2014byMaggiePaulus.Allrightsreserved.AuthorphotoKatieBollingerLibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationDataPaulusMaggie.FindingGodatthekitchensinksearchforgloryineverydaygrimeMaggiePaulus.pagescmISBN978-0-8024-1180-81.SpiritualityChristianityMeditations.2.GodChristianityOmnipresenceMeditations.3.ChristianwomenReligiouslifeMeditations.I.Title.BV4501.3.P392014248.4dc232014008163MoodyPublishersiscommittedtocaringwiselyforGodscreationandusesrecycledpaperwheneverpossible.Thepaperinthisbookconsistsof10percentpost-consumerwaste.WehopeyouenjoythisbookfromMoodyPublishers.Ourgoalistoprovidehigh-qualitythought-provokingbooksandproductsthatconnecttruthtoyourrealneedsandchallenges.Formoreinformationonotherbooksandproductswrittenandproducedfromabiblicalperspectivegotowww.moodypublishers.comorwritetoMoodyPublishers820N.LaSalleBoulevardChicagoIL6061013579108642PrintedintheUnitedStatesofAmerica 10 11AWORDFROMMAGGIEDEARONEIdontknowwheretodayndsyou.Perhapsyouresittingbyyourwindowthereononeothemiddleoorsothehigh-risethatlooksoutaboveallthecitylights.Andyouvegotyourcofeeandyouvelityourcandleandyoureleaningonyourpillowastherainpeltsgentlyontheglasslittlerivuletsstreamingdownallslowandquietandsteady.Orperhapsyourethereinthecofeeshopsittingnexttostrangers.Youvegotyourbookandyouresettlinginthereinyourseatlookingorsomesolace. 12Ormaybeyoureamommaandyouvenallygotyourpeacebecausethekidsjustwenttosleepandtherearestilldishesandaheapingpileolaundrybutyouredoneorthenight.Youjustcurleduponthecouchandyourewaytootiredtoreadbutyoudliketotryanyway.OnethingIdoknowaboutyou...thisIknowaboutallousheretryingtondourwayscratchingoutalivingonthispale-bluedotthatspinstiltedandtwirlingthroughspace.Iknowitdoesntmatteriyoureahighlyintellectualatheistoradeeplydevotedspiritual.Itmakesnodiferenceiyouvemadeittothetopothecorporateladderoriyoureoneothoseolksdownatthegrocerystorewhoscrubsthecommode.Becausethereisthisonethingweallhaveincommonanditisthiswereallpainullybrokeneverylastoneousanditsourbrokennessthatbringsusalltogetherherehuddledinallcollectiveandclose.SowhilewerehuddledhereIdliketotellyousomestoriesgiveyousomeglimpsesintomyheart.Apiecingtogetheromydays.Nowyoushouldknowthoughthattheseglimpsesareabitmessy.Tatistheycomeromamessylie.Butisntthatallwereallyhavetogiveeachotherourtangledupsto-riesromourcomplicatedlivesAndwereallydoneedthem 13youandI.Weneedeachothersmuddledmusingsandtwistedupthoughtsbecausewevegottoknowthatinallthisstruggleandstrainwerenotalone.Wewerenevermeanttobealone.Ourstoriesarethehandsreachingouttotakeholdoeachotherwhenthegroundbeneathustremblesandtheworldaroundusquakes.AndasyoureadthescribblingdownomydaysthesebitsandpiecesomyoneandonlylieIhopeyoulldiscoversomethings.TerearesomethingsIreallywantyoutoknow.IwantyoutoknowthereisaGodagreatAuthorwhoalwayseverwaswhoisweavingHisstoryintoourdays.AndibychanceliehasturnedyouabitcynicalorjadedtoanynotionoaMakermyhopeisthatyoureyeswouldwakeupwidetoseeHisgloryandyourheartwouldbeatwildwiththewhoosh-ingpulsingwonderoHisgrace.AndIhopeyoullseethisGoddoesntliveinboxesnorisHeconfnedtochurchhousesorsacredassemblies.Hedwellsherewithusinallthemomentsooureverydayhumdrumlie.Iwantyoutoeelinthedeepestpartoyouthatallyourrunning-togetherdaysthoughchock-ullocommonordinaryseeminglyinsignifcantthingsarenotsomeerratic 14successionoeventsameretwenty-ourhoursinwhichyouplodalongandaimlesslyexist.Nothesedays...eachandeveryoneothemisbrimulomeaningandpurpose.TisnewdaymattersbecausetheGodwhoconductsthewindandmadethemossgrowrampantbeneaththemaplestheOnewhollsupheaveniseverpresentwithyouinyouronefeet-inglie.TeOnewhocallsHimseltheGreatIAMactuallyis.Righthere.AnditsthisGodwhohasgivenyouthebeautyachethatrav-ishingdesiretondgoodinthemesstohuntorgloryinthegrime.WhenyougolookingorbeautyandhuntingorgloryyoulldiscoveragainandagaintherealnessoHimtheGodwhoisthereandisnotsilent.TeOnewhoallthewhilewhenyouweregrapplingaroundinthedarksearchingorHisacesomenotionograceinaallenwrecked-upworldwasthere.StandingnearandbendingdowncloseenoughsothemomentyoureachedupbarelystretchingoutwithonespeckoaithyoucouldtakeholdoHim.YesIwantyoutoknowyouwithyourbrokennessyourcha-oticdaysandyouronefeetinglieIwantyoutoknowthereisaMakerwhoisntarromeachoneous.Heverymuchwantstobeound. 15SoIscribbledownmystoriesforyou.AndItestifytothisthatIhaveseenGod-glory.AndnowIcanthelpbutliveinaweoftheEternalOnewhohaswovenHisnarrativeintomydays.IhopeyouseeHimtoo. 22 23AQUIETCOFFEEMORNINGIGETUPEARLYANDENJOYAquietcofeemorningbecauseImissGod.SomethinginmewantstobewithmyMaker.IwanttositbesideHimandhearHisvoice.SoIopenupHisWordtoMatthew5whereJesusteachesaboutlietothisgreatbigcrowdopeopleandIlistentoHimtalking.Hespeaks.Seeingthecrowdshewentuponthemountainandwhenhesatdownhisdisciplescametohim.MAHEW51Justoneverse.TatsallIneedornow.TisisJesustalkingtome.HiswordsnourishmyheartandIthinkaboutwhat 24Hemeans.Hesawthecrowds...whenJesuslookedoutintoacrowdofpeopleHedidntjustseeaseaoffaces.Hesaweachindividualpersonstandingtherewithalltheirsoul-ache.HeknewwhereeachonehadcomefromalltheydbeenthroughandHelookeddeepintoeverysingleheart.TeycouldhidebehindeachotheriftheywantedbuttheycouldnthidealltheirinsidesfromHim.NotfromtheGodwhoseespastalltheskinintowhatmakesuswhoweare.TenIthinkaboutthecrowdinmyownheart.ImeandontweallcarryacrowdofpeoplearoundinourheartIlookin-sideandIseeamyriadofpeoplewhoIloveandprayforandIcarrythemwithmeandwonderifGodseesthem.Hedoes.HeseesandknowsintimatelyknowseachheartandHeaimstospeakintotheirlife.IpondermoreofHiswords.Hewentuponthemountain...Hesatdown.TisGodwhomadethemountainsnowhumblelikeuswasclimbingupallthedirtandrockssoHecouldlookoutintoallthefaces.Hesitsdown.Godsitsdown.Hesnottoobusy.Hesnottoorushed.Hedoesnthavetoomuchtodo.TisisHisimportantthing.ositandspeakwordsthathelpandhealwhoeverwillsitstillenoughtolisten.AndalltheirlivesthesepeoplehadmissedGod.Somethingdeepinside 25themhadalwayswantedtobewithHimandnowhereHewas.SotheysatawhileandspenttimewiththeOnewhocouldseepasttheacaderightintoalltheirbrimmingache.TeywerehungryandHiswordsedthem.Teyweresoul-shatteredandHiswordsmadethemwhole.TedisciplescametoHim.AmnotIHisollowertooSoIcometoHimonaquietcofeemorningandsitatHiseet.BecauseImissGodandIwanttobewithHim.HesmyMakerandHesalsomyriend.AndthisJesusHestilllooksoutacrosstheworldandseesthecrowdsopeople.AndinaseaoacesHestillknowstheheartbehindeachone.Hestillsitsandspeakswordsthatnourishandbringlietowhoeverwillstoplongenoughtolisten.BestillandknowthatIamGod.IwillbeexaltedamongthenationsIwillbeexaltedintheearthTeLordofhostsiswithustheGodofJacobisourfortress.PSALM461011 45HOWBEINGAMOMMAHASCHANGEDMEIDIDNTKNOWHOWBEINGAMOMMAwouldchangeme.WhenIquitworkingattheofceandwonderediIdmissallthegrown-upsIdidntknowhowmuchIdbeokay.ItturnedoutIdbeneteachingalittleboyhislettersandhowtomakeriendsandteachingalittlegirlhowtopaintwithwatercolors 46 47andbuildasandcastleandgentlyscrubthegrimeromherbabydollscheeks.Myemailboxgotalotthinnerasthewallsomybellygrewoutandpeoplewerentwritingtoaskmetodoalltheseimportantthings.ButsomehowIendedupndingallthisdelightinscrubbingmacandcheeseofplasticTomastheankEngineplatesandchanginglittlepeoplesbritchesortheumpteenthtime.Ireallyreallylikebeingamomma.IlikethepartwhereIgettocuddleupnexttothelittleboywhogrewbiginsideomeandgavememyrststretchmarkswhocontinuestostretchmythinkingwithhisquestionslikeDoesGodevergethungryandWhataboutsleepDoesGodsleepAndIlovethepartwhereIpushmylittlegirlontheswingeventhoughIdratherbereadingabookorweedingthegarden.AndwhilesheslearningtokickherlegsoutIcatchaglimpseoallthatradiantlightinhereyesandthewayhersilkysun-streakedhairwhooshesbackandorth.Irememberagainwhatitwasliketobeyoungandwildandhappyandree. 48AndItreasurethepartwheremybabysmilesthisgreatbiglivelygrinhiseyesgladandullolightthemomentheseesmepeekingoverhiscribtoscoophimup.IdidntknowhowmuchIdbegivingmylieaway.OrthatmymostsatisyingworkwouldbewhennooneelsewaslookingasIpouredoutallIhadtonurturethelivesomybabes.OrthatGodwouldbemystrengthasIlearnedtocraflovethestuthatlastsoreverathousandtimesadayinahundreddierentways.Ididntknowhowbeingamommawouldcausemetocaremoreoralltheotherboysandgirls.TatIdbegintoseethemthroughamommaseyesthisconcernortheirlivesandaburdentohelpandprotectthemtoo.IdidntknowhowmyheartwouldhurtortheworldwheneveryoneelsewasastasleephowmuchIdprayorGodtopushbackthedarkness.OrhowmuchIdaskHimtoletHiskingdomcomeheretothisallenworldlikeitisinheaven.IcertainlyneverknewhowmuchIdcry.Allthesehappytears.AndhowGodwoulduseachildsaithandpuritytoencour-ageme.HowHedshowmeanewthroughsuchlittlepeopleseyeshowtoviewtheworldwithallthiswonder.Observinga 49caterpillaronalea.Stirringmudwithastick.Trowingrocksinapond.Runningorthesheerunoit.SometimeswhenIlookinthemirrorandseehowthistummyhaswarpedandhowthesehipswonteverftbackintomyavoritejeansIrememberthisIgettobeamomma.AndtheKingwillanswerthemTrulyIsaytoyouasyoudidittooneoftheleastofthesemybrothersyoudidittome.MAHEW2540 50 59WHENYOUWONDERWHEREGODISWHENIWASALITTLEGIRLBEFOREIwasadoptedbadthingshappened.Becausebadguyscanliveinosterhomesandinneighborhoodsandsometimestheydowrongthingstolittlepeoplewhennooneelseislooking.WhenIwasolderateenagerandaferIdbeenrescuedandhadcometoknowJesusIstillrememberedthosebadguyswhohaddonethewrongthings.AndIwonderedwhereGodhadbeenwhenIwassoaraid.IhadlearnedGodisgoodandHeskindbutIcouldnthelpbutwonderwhyHeletthosethingshappen.DidntHeknowIwastoolittletoprotectmyselWasntHemerciuland 60strongSoonenightIoughtitoutwithmyMaker.IaskedHimhardquestionsandbeggedoHimanswers.TenIlaidmyheaddownonmypillowandcried.TatswhenJesuscame.TeComorterhadheardmypainulpleaandHecametobringmepeace.TeGoodShepherddrewgentlyneartothislittlebrokenlambandopenedmyeyestoseethatallthebadstufthatmademesadmadeHimsadtoo.AllthethingsthatbrokemyheartbrokeHis.Hewasthere.HesawandHehurtbecausewhathappenstotheleastothesehappenstoHimMatt.2545.GodisntalootoourpainnordoesHestandaraway.HesabletocomortbecauseHeonceenteredintooursuferinganddarktotakeonallouraches.Jesuswalkednoeasyroad.WhenHewenttothecrossGodpiledallthebadunspeakablethingsothewholemessed-upworldonHisperectspotlessSon.SinrippedHisveinstoreHisskinandbloodiedHisback.Jesuswasbruisedsowecouldbemadewhole.ItsbyHiswoundswegethealed.TatnightGodwhisperedintomyheartHewouldtakethebadintendedtoharmmeanduseitormygoodGen.5020.AndHecouldtakealltheuglymeanttomarmeandturnitintosomethingbeautiul.AndasIlaythereheartwideopen 61 62toHimHedidtakealltheoppressiondesignedtoshacklemeandHesetmeree.TenHeboundupmywounds.IstillhavethememoriesbutHestakenawaytheshame.AndthereisaGodwhoworksallthingstogetherorgoodorthosewholoveHim.AndiHeworksinallthingsthendoesntthatmeanHedoesntwasteanythingNoevilNodarkNopainSinceIvebeendealtalittlesuferingIdohavethistenderawarenessothehurtinginothers.IamawareinawayIcouldntbehadInotexperienceditinmyownlie.WhenyouwonderwhereGodisHesrighthere.HealingupthebrokenheartedholdingontotheweepingandquietinguswithHislove.Andoncewevebeenmadewholeandcomorteddeepwecangetuponourwayandgodothesame.Buthewaspiercedforourtransgressionshewascrushedforouriniquitiesthepunishmentthatboughtuspeacewasonhimandbyhiswoundswearehealed.ISAIAH535NIV