If You Ever Come Across a Toad

If you ever come across a toad, just a hangin’ out in your shoe, don’t be skeered. He ain’t gonna git ya. He ain’t gonna eat ya. So, just quit your screamin. Quit your runnin. Calm down. Relax. It’s just a toad hangin out in yer shoe. That’s all.

So, if you ever find a toad just a hangin’ out in your shoe, you should name him. You could name him Crocky, or Toady, or Jumpy, or Bumpy, or Stinky. He won’t mind. You could even name him Old Yeller and he’d never even blink. Toads aren’t particular about their names. They’re pretty easy goin’ like that.

One thing you could do, too, is you could let him swim. You might be surprised at how those legs can kick and how that big belly of his can help him float. Now, don’t be leavin’ him in the swimmin pool, though. Toads don’t like that. They ain’t frogs. They’re toads. Toads need dirt and rocks and leaves and stuff. Too much swimmin will just make him perish. So, be sure to help him out when he gits plumb tuckered.

Now, you might be wonderin’ just now, how in tarnations to tell the difference between them frogs and toads. Well, here’s how. Frogs are nice and slicky. But not toads. Toads, they got warts. And they got bumps. And toads kinda wet themselves when they git skeered. So watch out for that. That’s pretty much how you can tell.

You know somethin’  neat about toads? They got the purdiest eyes. Would you look at those eyes all gold and shiney? Next time you see a toad, I want you to stoop down real close and look in those purdy shiney eyes. You might be surprised at how much you like toad eyes. You might.

And toads, they may have warts but they’re not contagious. You can rub a toad’s back on your feet all day long and you ain’t gonna git one wart. Not one. Now, that’s a practice I don’t particularly recommend. But, I’m just sayin. You could do that and it won’t make no difference.

And toads, they real nice little critters. You can kiss ’em right on the smackers, and they won’t even mind. I mean, they might jump and that might make you jump, but they ain’t gonna bite and they ain’t gonna git ya.

And that’s pretty much all I have to say about toads.

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