Category archives: Fear

When You're Just Plumb Scared and Want to Feel Safe

Some days, fear has this grip on me. Anxiety and worry take its toll and I find it hard to breathe. I can feel it in my skin, literally. Every once in a while, I get the shingles. Shingles isn’t just for old folks, apparently. Shingles can happen to worry warts, too. But, I’m a child of God. A little girl who belongs to a Great King. A Great King who never worries about a thing because He’s the biggest and the strongest. And I’ve got these promises. “The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.” (Deut. 33:27) “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble…The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge.” (Psalm 46:1,7)So, I run to my Refuge and I hide in my Strong Tower and I just sit still and remember what I’ve got in Him. I[...]

When You Just Want to Feel God

I sat in this quiet cafe' over a grilled  ham and cheese while my friend told me her story. How all her growing up years, she knew God was real but she just couldn't get why He was so intangible. Because, she just wanted to feel Him. To reach out and take a hold of Him somehow. But, she never could. And as I looked in her eyes, I could feel her ache. I had wondered it too, remembering how I'd laid in my bed on quiet nights, tears streaming with the deepest pain in my chest. And on those nights, I'd reached up, arms open wide, just wanting God to embrace me. Aching to be held. So many times, I'd wished I could crawl up in His lap, closing that cosmic gap between us. It had sent my heart pounding for heaven, in the wildest way.And as she poured out bits and pieces of her soul, I sat the[...]

What You Were Made For

Little heart, didn't you know? You were made to be brave. You were fashioned to fling off the fear and shed the doubt and catapult over all the angst. But you must keep your eyes on the Valiant One. Yes, all eyes to the King! Him who makes the fraidy-cats into lion-hearts. And little countenance, didn't you know you were made to shine? You are here to be light, to bring out the vibrant colors in the shadow lands. But, you must turn your face to the Brilliance. Him all ablaze and robed in light. He who splits the dark and swallows up the night. On Him keep your gaze. Bask in the sunlight of His face and so shine.  "The Eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms." (Deut. 33:27)"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen yo[...]

What I Do When I'm Afraid of Life

Sometimes I get afraid of life. I can't explain all the reasons why, but I just kinda go through these spurts or seasons when I'm more prone to be fearful of things and my heart feels fragile and I have a hard time roping my imagination in.And it's strange because it's something that happens on the inside of me and I'm finding that it has nothing to do with what's going on, on the outside of me. Like, today for instance. Today is the most lovely, breezy, warm, full-of-light kind of day. And there's nothing in my life to be afraid of. At least nothing that I can see. But, for whatever reason, I have a lot of what-ifs running through my head, and before I know it, I'm plumb sceered! Scared of the world. Scared for my kids. Scared of what could happen in my life. Just scared. And I don't like[...]

Womb of God

I read in morning light these ancient words. That because I have believed in Him, believed in His Name, that He gave me the right to become a child of God. And that I'm born, born of Him eternal. (John 1:12-13)I do feel new again.Then, I remember more of those old words, that I am in Christ. (1 Corinthians 1:30) And today I have a new picture of what that means. Because I feel the ache. Like never before I feel it, wanting to be wrapped up in the womb of God. You know, spiritually speaking. Completely covered in His amniotic love. To swim around in it. To be nurtured by it. Wholly sustained. And isn't a womb a safe place? Or shouldn't it be? But, I had heard that safety in this world is not a place, but a Person. Surely the womb of God is the safest. Him protecting from everything wicked a[...]

Letters from Prison

Last weekend, Brent and I had the chance to get-away for the night, so we went up to Wheaton, IL to see a group of our favorite artists perform.  While we were there, we stopped in an old bookstore, owned by a sweet couple that we admire, and we browsed through their old, old books.I don't care how sophisticated and high-tech our society becomes, there's just no replacing old, old books. I wanted to buy something as a kind gesture, and though I'm a lover of old books, I'm not really a collector, so I happily picked this one--a book by one of my heroes in this life--Corrie ten Boom.Are you familiar with her? Oh, please, let me introduce you to her. She's a woman who changed the world--ever so courageously, in profound and quiet ways.During the last world war, as the brutal German army [...]

When You're Afraid to Be Real

I've been wondering some things lately. I've been wondering what it is about us that makes us so afraid to live naked, unmasked lives. You know, from showing our true colors? Like, who we really are...on our insides. I just wonder why it terrifies us so much to be exposed. Why it is that we worry so much about what people will think if they knew the struggles we face or the messes we make?Maybe it's our pride that holds people at a distance. Pride that says, "Nope--I'm doing fine. Don't need a thing." Pride that always wears the happy face. That doesn't let a person close enough to offer one bit of advice, for after all, we do have it all together. We're pretty good at appearing perfect, even when we're dying inside. Or perhaps it's shame we feel. The ugliness we see is hard enough fo[...]

Thoughts on 30 Years

Hey, hey, it's my BIRTHDAAAYYY! (That was meant to be read very loudly and obnoxiously.) I'm actually mimicking a friend I used to work with, who upon every return of his birthday, would yell this out to anyone passing by so they would surely know this day was set apart...for him. Today I'm celebrating 30 years of life. 30 marvelously beautiful, sometimes hard, but mostly deeply satisfying years of living. A dear friend asked me today what my name meant. And the meaning of my name actually depicts a lot about my life, so I wanted to share it with you. I’ve heard that Magdalene has two meanings. The first is “prostitute," which is interesting because my birth mom was a prostitute and as a little girl, I had many thoughts that I would grow up and be the same. (I vividly remember lots of[...]

A Journey from Fear to Freedom

I would like to tell you about a personal journey I'm on. It's a journey from fear to freedom. With each new day, the One who loves and cares for my soul, brings me one step closer to freedom. Oftentimes, however, my steps are so feeble and small that I hardly notice any progress at all.Photo creditOne of my fears is the fear of man. That is, I'm afraid of what others think of me. To be blatantly honest, I crave approval, acceptance, affirmation. I want you to like me, to think well of me. And I'm afraid that you won't.Photo creditI'm afraid that I will say or do something that will cause you to think less of me. Or perhaps to just downright dislike me. Horror of may even reject me. Lash back at me. Cut me out of your life.Photo creditAnd while I know that all these are norm[...]

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