Some days, I tell you what, some days you just need to hang out...on like a log or somethin'.Or go on a long walk in a big field. Just because.  And some days, you just need to stare at the sky. And some days you've got to wear your Harley jacket with your pig tails so you can wave and say neat Harley things. Like, "Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass: it's about learning how to ride in the rain...on a Harley." Or whatever it is that Harley riders like to say. And some days you just need to grow your beard out. So your wife can smile at you and say, "My, my.. You're lookin' a little bit more like Jesus every day."

The weather has turned cold on me and I've become this shameful wimp, preferring the warmth of the great indoors to the adventure of the great outdoors. We haven't gone out in three days. I think that's a record. I'm not exactly proud.  But, my artist friend tells me that there are so many good things about the cold and winter coming. She tells me how everything has it's own season, and the cold is for tucking in and being more still and quiet and for making art. She says it's when the creatives get all creative. So, I look forward to that--making art. And I've got this book writing project, so I've taken a little time each day to craft with words. It feels good, to look out my window and see the sun but still feel warm in here, all tucked away and eager to create.I've felt [...]

I have this friend who has impacted my life more than he knows. I've never bothered telling him. It's an awkward subject. He used to be a Christian and he's really smart and very analytical and somewhere along the way, He stopped believing in God. He slowly shed his faith and I haven't ever really talked to him about it personally, mostly out of fear. Though, someday, there's some things I'd love to ask him. But, anyways, as he was shedding his faith, I started questioning mine. Honestly, it shook me and I had no idea how much until a few years later, I still found myself wondering about God's existence. But, I don't think it had a negative impact--his influence on my life. I just thought it strange. That a person I don't really know all that well, it's not like we were the best of friends[...]

The air is chill now, so as this new season presses in, we take to more "field trips" to keep life interesting since we're not as inclined to play outside for hours. Today we decided to eat some lunch at McDonald's before hunting for books at the library. I ordered our food, trying to be polite and attentive to the lady behind the counter, while also attempting to keep an eye on my rascally children. Mama's need eyes like chameleon's. I think it would be most helpful, to be able to see two places at once. Although, I suppose that would be a little freaky. But, hey, freaky could come in pretty handy sometimes, too.I couldn't help but notice the colorful crowd that a small town McDonald's on a Friday afternoon can draw. There was this one couple chatting rather loudly with another fellow, si[...]

Some days I'm plumb full of thankfulness, for all these little things. Like how I've got all this blue right above my head and that the yard is full of leaves and the day is still warm. And how there's this big field just across from where I live, and that my two little ones still take a nap so I can rest, or write, or pray, or just think.And I'm thankful I can breathe, in and out, deep breaths and there's no pain. And my legs are strong and sturdy and I can run if I want, or skip or twirl. And that I've got all this freedom and the loud noise outside my window isn't a sound of war or something scary, just my neighbor Doug, off to work on his motorcycle.And I've got these eyes to see. To take in all the light and to marvel at the last blazing shades of yellow or bright crimson red, still c[...]

I wanted to show you something. This morning, my birth sister sent me a couple of scanned pictures. Pictures I'd never seen of me and David and our birth dad--his name was Timothy, but his friends called him Tony. We're sitting on his lap--the other groovy fellow is his brother. I have very few pictures of us when we were little so this is the coolest thing! I love all the sunshine in David's hair. And look at how long Tony's hair is! And the amazing thing is, he looks soo much like the Daddy God gave me, you know, the one who adopted us! It's just crazy.There's so many things I wanted to ask him. Like, what did he want to be when he was little? And I wanted to hear his story. But, he's gone now and last night I cried. I hardly knew him and it feels strange to say, but I'll miss him. And l[...]

I can't help but remember him--my birth dad. The last I saw him, I was four or five. He was kind and gentle. Now, he was a mess, yes, but I could tell he loved me and my little brother, best he could for the state he was in. Drugs and alcohol were his master, he their slave.  But, when he was sober and sound, he was tender and attentive. I remember the time we danced, me and him. He had bowed and I had courtsied and he laughed because he'd never taught me that. How to courtsey. Somehow, my little girl heart just knew. And he taught me how to use that record player and I sat up on the chest of drawers and played records for hours. And I remember the way he carried me on his arm and in those moments, I never felt more safe.But, he left, and he kept leaving. He was running. Running from [...]

I step outside to a fall breeze and walk the long yard through leaves, some gold, some brown, to gather green tomatoes from my garden. And I heap them up in a tin pale with a wooden handle, 'cause there's something that makes me feel a bit like a pioneer woman when I've got my tin pale with it's wooden handle. I'm barefoot and glad that it's still a smidgen warm and I can do this.  The day's been peaceful. Because last night before we fell asleep, Brent and I prayed together and asked God to help us with our lives. And I'd confessed how I'd been on the internet too much again. That lap-top seemingly attached at the hip and it's got this grip on me that I don't like. And if Jesus is the greatest treasure, then I simply wanted more of Him. And this morning, soon as my eyelids fluttered[...]

I've come to the conclusion, in my ripe old age of thirty-two, that life is just hard. Even an easy life is hard. Even a life where you married the man of your dreams, and you have two beautiful and hilarious kids and a nice, comfortable house and a great big yard and you live in a free country with more food in the pantry that you could eat in a week. Even with all that, life can be pretty excruciating on the heart. It just is. We all have our own reasons why.And deep down inside, in the middle of all the hard, we're all just looking for joy. We crave it. We just feel like there's gotta be something more than getting up and going to work and coming home and eating some food and watching a show and going to bed and getting up and doing it all over again. There's gotta be something mo[...]