Category archives: Humorous

What To Do When You Feel Like a Dweeb

Sometimes, I do terribly awkward things. Like, the time I told the lady in the check-out line that she had a beautiful head. She was bald, and I wanted her to know that even though she was bald, her head was quite nice. Now, I thought that was a perfectly normal thing to say. But, according to my son, who did a facepalm and then beseeched me, pleading, "Mom, please don't ever say something like that again. It's just weird," I figured, that maybe I was indeed, after all, a dweeb. Just as I had suspected. There was also the time that I drove through the Lowe's garden center. Now, grant it, I was young. I mean, I was a grown-up, but I was a very young, just starting out grown-up. When I asked the Lowe's employee where he wanted me to pull up so he could load my mulch, h[...]

Elmer Fudd Hits the Punkin' Patch

I'm taking a little break from social media for a few weeks. (Sometimes I just need to go away by myself and be quiet for a bit. Cultivate the art of listening.) But, since I've been posting consistently on Sunday's, I don't want to give that up. And since it's pumpkin patch season, I bring you a repost from the archives that made us all laugh the other day. Here's Gideon (about four years ago) to tell you the story.... We're calling this one, "Elmer Fudd hits the Punkin' Patch" Well, it’s wabbit season and I was hopin’ to hunt me down a wabbit. Bad thing is, I’m outta buwwets, so I’ll just have to use me a pumpkin. Alwighty now...if only I could find me a good widdle pumpkin. No, wait. That one’s not a good thwowin size. I need a small one. One that I can thwow real[...]

The Proper Way to Take Over, I mean, Make Friends With a Cat

When you're little, it's hard to find people who will let you be the boss of them. It seems like everyone else just wants to be the boss of you. And you might get tired of that. You might begin to think that you have nothing really going for you. No room to call your own. No crayons to break just for the breaking. No walls to write on. No carpet to smear raisins in. No one to say to, "Hey! I have an idea! Why don't we do everything I want to do today!" And your life might get pretty depressing, I suppose....unless of course, you could find a way to make friends with a kitty. Now, making friends with a cat can be very tricky. Felines don't exactly trust humans, fully, I don't think. So, it's better to approach them before they're older and more enlightened to the ways of w[...]

When You Get the Urge to Make a Nest

 A repost from the archives....because I sort of needed some light-hearted happy today:  Some day, you might get this uncanny urge to make a bird nest. But, before you get the urge to make a bird nest, you might get an urge to make some playdough. So, you do. You make some playdough. And it's messy, but it's fun. Then...then you get an urge to make a bird nest. Because when you're three, there's only so many things you can actually make out of playdough. I mean, you can make a snake. But snake-making is fun for like the first two minutes, then you want to go on to bigger and better things. So, a bird nest it is. And since your mother wants to make sure you're [...]

Funny Stuff the Kids are Sayin'

The other day, I found a bunch of stuff the kids had said that I had typed out. Wanted to share some of it here with you. In case you could use a chuckle or three. Hilarious theology: Gideon  "Everyone needs to cut their fingernails except for God." Hopey  "Yeah, everyone except God and Jesus. It's a MIRACLE!" Gideon  "Yeah, if they DID have to cut their fingernails, they would need some really huge clippers." At the supper table, Gideon spouted off his list of things that you should for sure absolutely NEVER ever do. Take note: 1. Don't run into plexiglass. 2. Don't touch a triceratops' horn. 3. Don't stick your finger in an electricity place. 4. Don't ram your head into a tree. 5. Don't punch yourself in the face. 6. Don't stick your hand beside a[...]

Samuel and the Kitty (and the Gourd)

Oh, hi there Kitty! Remember me? I'm back! Yeah, I can tell you feel sad because you were really missing me. I was thinking about maybe I should pet you s'more. But, I remember what happened last time. All I did was tickle your paw and pull three whiskers from your furry cheeks and I nearly lost a finger. And half my face. So, I got this gourd... (Waves gourd) See this? Now, just keep your eyes on this gourd. Gourds are nice. Gourds are not creepy at all. Hold still, it's gonna be so fun, just you wait and see. Easy does it. Slowly, slowly...keep thinking happy thoughts. You know, stuff like, baby chipmunks, peanut butter, tuna from the can, me just holding your tail going for a wait. No. Forget that last part. Just stick with the happy though[...]

A Chat With Gideon Over Applesauce

    Mom, this applesauce tastes weird. Like, it tastes squishy. All applesauce is squishy. Yeah, but this kind is different. Like, it's even squishier. It has this taste on my tongue and the taste is squishy. Huh. I don't know, son. I don't know how that happens.   Well, how much did it cost? Not very much. How much, though? I don't know, bud. Like, a dollar and something? Yeah. Well, the less amount that it costs is the less amount that it tastes good. Yeah, that's why I don't like it. That's why I was asking you that. Because I think you should get the kind that costs more. I mean, this kind is okay. It's just squishy. Because I think the apples that it was made from were squishy. So, it feels weird on my tongue. Well, you need to go t[...]

If Your Day is Dark and Dreary

Today is one of those dreary sorta drizzly days. The sky is awfully gray out there. But, not in here.  No, in here, our true colors are shining through. Because we've got these wild imaginations, so when the day turns dark and dreary, we can always pretend to be a cool, tea-drinkin', stringy-haired, hippy chick with some bling.Or we can be a cool hippy tea drinkin' bling flingin' chick who just happens to be standing by a robot-man. At least, I think that's a robot-man. A very serious Harley-ridin' robot man.  Or we can be a one-eyed moppy-haired skinned-up chin dude. That's always fun. Or a no-eyed moppy haired, skinned-up chin dude who so happens to be friends with a bling-flingin' psycho robot girl.Uh-oh.Time out. Did someone say psycho? You want psycho? I'll show yo[...]

If You Happen Upon A Bullfrog

 If you ever happen upon a bullfrog, don't be skeered. He's nice.Now, he might try to intimidate you. He might look you straight in the eye and croak. Or he might rare his back and bloat out his belly and puff out his legs, but it's all just a joke. 'Cause the truth is, you're awful big to him so he wants to be big too. He wants to make you think he'll zap you up with his ginormous tongue and swallow you right down. But, he's just plumb terrified that you're over there sizing up his hind haunches and that you'll cook him up in a frog-leg stew. So, don't let his silly tactics fool you. He's actually just a nice guy. Really. If you're easy-going and gentle, and don't scream like a girl and high-tail it the other way, you can make friends with him. You can even pick h[...]

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