Once upon a time there was this abominable snow man, with evil red eyes, whose name was Mr. Winter. Deep down in his cold, calloused meany-head heart, he had some news. Some bad news. And he was looking for someone to tell it to. He was hoping to ruin someone’s day.

So, he wandered up and down the streets for hours until he heard a small little voice. The small little voice was coming from a wee little man, who happened to be playing in his yard. For, you see, he was tired of being in the stuffy indoors and needed some fresh air. So, Mr. Winter made his way up the wee little man’s driveway and cleared his throat, (because that’s what abominable snow men do, right before they want to tell you their very bad news.)

“Ahem…hello there little man,” chirped Mr. Winter. “I am Mr. Winter and I come to bring you bad tidings of great glum. I have taken it upon my mean-ole bad self to sabotoge this land. Spring will not be coming this year!” And with that he let out a very chillingly sinister laugh.

“Huh?” 

The wee man stood perplexed. 

“No spring? But that means I can’t play in my sandbox. And that means I can’t dig in the dirt. And that means I’ll have to keep wearing not one, but two goofy hats because apparently when Mommy is cold, then I must therefore be freezing.  Mommy, did you hear this clown?”

“Yes, dear,” the mommy replied,  “I heard him. But did you know your name means “mighty warrior?” Now, arise my son. Son of my womb. Son of my joy. Perhaps you have been born for such a time as this.  Do what you must–I give you my blessing.”

 And with that, a gleam gleamed in the wee man’s eye and his cheeks became a little rosier. For, you see, he had a plan. A plan to save humanity from these bad tidings of great glum.

 “Oh, hi there widdle mister snow-man. I like your widdle bitty hat. Ah…so cutey wootie….”

“Take THAT! Oh no! I’m sorry mister widdle snowy man. Did you fall down?”

(Note to reader: Um…as you can see, this story is becoming a bit violent. If you are particularly fond of mean-ole evil-eyed snow men, you may want to quit reading and go check your Facebook instead.)

 “Here, let me help you up…first, I will lift your weary head from that hard, frozen concrete…”

“Ooops…I accident-wy droppy snow man head. Here, let me fix-y your hat-y.”

“Uh-oh. Me not mean to step on your tum-tum. Poor widdle snow man.  Is snow man havin bad day?”

“Wee! Wee little man turn snow man into snow cream!”

“Mommy! I did it! I beat up mean-snow-man clown-guy!”

 “Hip-hip-hooray!” the mommy replied, “Indeed my brave son! You saved the world from deepest darkest never-ending winter’s gloom!”

The Mommy then broke out into proud, exultant singing, “Fooooor HE’s a jolly good fellow, for he’s a jolly good fellow…” 

and somewhere off in the distance, a blue bird chirped a hopeful tune.