What I Do When I’m Afraid of Life

Sometimes I get afraid of life. I can’t explain all the reasons why, but I just kinda go through these spurts or seasons when I’m more prone to be fearful of things and my heart feels fragile and I have a hard time roping my imagination in.

And it’s strange because it’s something that happens on the inside of me and I’m finding that it has nothing to do with what’s going on, on the outside of me. Like, today for instance. Today is the most lovely, breezy, warm, full-of-light kind of day. And there’s nothing in my life to be afraid of. At least nothing that I can see. But, for whatever reason, I have a lot of what-ifs running through my head, and before I know it, I’m plumb sceered! Scared of the world. Scared for my kids. Scared of what could happen in my life. Just scared. And I don’t like that feeling. So, there are some things I do to make that feeling go away.

You might think it strange, but today, to battle that scared feeling, I did something carefree. I climbed a tree. There’s this pair of doves that have built a nest in one of our pine trees and I’ve been wondering if those eggs have hatched. I’ve just been itching to climb up those branches and peer in to see what I can see. So, today I did that. Well, almost. I climbed, barefoot and curious, till I could see just enough to know that the mama was still sitting there, all quiet, in her nest. And I didn’t want to frighten her, so I climbed myself back down. But, it was fun. I felt like a little kid again. And little kids don’t usually worry too much about life, they just enjoy what there is to do and see today, so I climbed a tree to become like a carefree kid. And something about that helped me.

Then I made some sun-tea. Now, I don’t have a fancy sun-tea jar, just a Prego spaghetti one, but hey, the sun has been warming up my tea and there’s something so exciting to me about drinking something that the sun brewed up. And I love looking out back and seeing how the light glistens in that jar and thinking that when I drink that sweet tea down later, I might even be drinking some sunshine up. And again, you might think it strange, but when I focus on Light, I’m not so afraid.

I also planted some seeds this morning. And I checked on the ones that have sprung up. There’s something healing about little living things. And the act of laying a seed down in the dark, underneath the dirt and imagining the beauty that will push up from that earthy tomb, just fills my heart all full of hope. And I do love hope. I thrive on it. Desperately need it. I’m not sure how people live without it.

And all these things have helped me here lately, but there’s something else that helps me a whole lot when I’m afraid of life. I believe in God, namely the God of the Bible, and I acquaint myself with the One who I can’t see, but who sees me. Because I can’t control my life. (I hate that part, by the way.) I can’t change what will come, so that leaves me with plenty of things to be afraid of.  But, when I believe in the God who made me, the world, all this I see, and who says over and over again, “Do not be afraid,” when I believe in Him, I’m at peace. Because He calls Himself the great I AM. And that includes everything this human heart longs for and needs. He is my Comfort. He is my Solace. He is my Peace. So, there’s not a single loophole for worry or fear left for the soul who knows Him, who really deep down knows Him. 

And these are some things I do, when I’m afraid of life.

What about you? What do you do? I’d love to hear your thoughts if you’re up for sharing them.

1 Comment

  1. by Robin on June 27, 2012  11:49 pm Reply

    Hm, After reading I wanted to think about this. What do I do when I'm afraid of life? Well, first I let everyone know around me...especially my wonderful, patient, loving husband. Somehow he loves me and puts up with me even when I am afraid and it comes out as mean. Many times this is when I feel outta control. It's funny 'cause I'm never in control but a lot of time I trick my self into believing I can control my life, circumstances, and experiences and when I don't feel like I am I'm afraid.

    Some times I let everyone know I'm afraid in good ways (talking openly and communicating my feelings to those who listen) and other times (probably more often) in not so good ways. Example... complaining a lot, "woe is me attitude", walking around feeling like the world should revolve around me and whatever situation or whoever caused me to be afraid should just not exist (because you know, it's always someone else's fault when your down)
    Then when just about everyone and everything that should know all about me and how I feel knows, I feel a little less afraid and a little more sad. Then I have to go back and apologize to everyone I hurt (sometimes I don't because I'm too proud, but I know I should).
    I like your idea of making sun tea. I love sweet sun tea. It's just the very best drink in the whole wide world. Next time I'm afraid I think I'll make myself some tea, get outside and enjoy the world's beauty and remind myself it's ok to be outta control because a more important person has control, it's much better that way, and I shouldn't want it any other way.
    Great post Maggie!

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