But, before we left for our trip to Arkansas, I had prayed this little feeble prayer. Sometime in the middle of all the packing and the scrubbing of toilets and carrying out the trash, I had asked God if He would please heal me from fear. I had asked Him specifically if He’d do it while we were in Arkansas, of all places, because fear had begun consuming me again. I struggle with this, and I knew God wanted me to be free but I also knew He had to help me because I was sort of drowning. Fear does that–it has this way of making you feel like you can’t breathe, though you’re standing in the middle of the yard gulping in the breeze.

So, we drove for over 700 miles with this hope tucked down in my heart and a few days in, we sat next to my parents at their church and after the singing, the guy on the stool up front started talking. He had this message for us and I knew it was right from God–he talked to us about fear.

I scribbled down notes and marveled at a Maker who heard His little girl’s prayer. I listened earnestly to what that pastor said.

God did not give us a spirit that makes us afraid. He gave us a spirit of power and  love and a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7)

I walked out in the yard in utter awe of all the living. The grass felt new beneath my feet–every blade. There’s leaves unfurling in the Maples and ant hills underneath the swing. I sat down in a warm patch of sun and just breathed in and out God-peace. The kind that prevails and helps you see all the light in beauty right at your finger-tips.

And it’s not that the panic doesn’t seep back in. It’s just that I’m adjusting my soul-dials to a different tune. God’s sweet grace. I can hear His voice–He’s got the whole world in His hands and I am His. Peace overcomes and fear flees.