Usually, when I write here in this space, I try to make sense. I think hard about what it is I want to say, and I try to make it flow somehow and I try to pick just the right words to say exactly what I mean.

But not today.

Today, I’m just going to be my free-spirited self. I’m not going to think too hard. I’m just gonna type away as my brain thinks away. And I’m gonna be random. So, if you’re up for some  random, do come along. There’s some things I was wanting to tell you.

Today, me and my three babes went on a walk in the wild woods. And this is what we found. Gideon has high hopes that his bones are actually T-rex bones. And Hopey is very fond of her rocks that she wants to add to her “collections.” And that mushroom– I’m proud of that. That’s a morel. And I found it while carrying an eight month old who was arching his back and scratching my neck and gnawing on my cheek. We hope to do some more rock-collecting, bone-finding, morel-hunting in the near future.

This here is our kitchen table. It’s where we eat our suppers. Well, Brent and I eat our suppers and the two hooligans there talk and fall out of their chairs and laugh hysterically about absolutely nothing, and occasionally take a bite of food after their father and I have reminded them twenty times and threaten to withhold all sugary items for the entire evening!

Isn’t all the light beautiful? The sun has moved so that when we’re eating dinner now, it shines in on us all warm and bright. It’s  hard to see each other, but it sure makes everybody’s hair and cheeks and plates of food purdy.

This is my littlest. He’s pulling on my pajama strings. Isn’t he amazing? Sometimes I can’t believe how much I like him. How much I enjoy him. Well, there are those times when I’m in a group of people, and I’m holding him and I’m thinking, “It sure would be nice if someone else was holding him because I can’t talk or hear that well with him arching his back, and scratching my neck, and pulling my hair, and gnawing on my cheek.” But, then later, when I scoop him up out of his chair and just hold him in the kitchen, I’m sad that I ever had those thoughts. Because I know he’ll only be an armful for just a little while. Then he’ll be carrying me around.

This is something I made and sent to my Momma. I read about it on a blog–how you can write down childhood memories on little slips of paper and then stash them in a jar for your mom. So, I did that. I felt like I was back in the dark-ages, actually using scissors and markers and paper. But, it was such great fun. And it made me realize what a good momma I had. She did so many loving, kind things to make us feel special.

I highly recommend this activity. Sometimes, honestly, it’s easy to focus on just the negative stuff from your childhood. That stuff kinda clouds your view. But, life is just so short and people are just so important and I always knew my Ma and Pa loved me. I never doubted that once. They didn’t do everything right. But, that’s okay. Because, now I have so much hope for me as I try to raise my kids.

My Ma called me and left a message today because she got her package. I couldn’t understand what she was saying because she was crying too much. But, I think she said she liked it.

The other day, for my birthday, Brent took off work and we went to the tulip festival. Doesn’t that sound lovely?

It was nice. It was. But, the truth is, I had a hard time all day trying to be thankful. It was really warm and lovely when we left our house, but when we got to the festival, it was so stinkin’ cold and rainy and dark there. (Brent and I didn’t take jackets because we thought we were gonna be livin’ it up in the warm air.) I felt so bad as I talked to God about it. Because I had imagined myself walking through tulip fields with the sunshine in my hair and this glad warmth in my heart and the reality was, not many tulips were blooming yet and we were getting wet and I was walking around in a big blanket, peering at the sky thinking, “Okay, if that cloud would just move over…and that cloud…and that cloud.”

Life is a little bit harder when you have all these expectations. And the funny thing is, I was thinking, “Oh well, it’s my birthday and God really loves me so the sun is gonna come out really soon and we’re gonna be so nice and toasty….right, God?”

Well, it just got a lot more windy.

Yeah, it was kinda ridiculous. I’m laughing at myself now but at the time, it wasn’t so funny. But, later, when I told my friend how bad I felt for being disappointed with God, she said:

Sweet friend! He must love you SO much…He knew He could trust you with clouds…you’re not His fair weather friend. He’s counting you one of His true friends. Now THAT’s cool!!

Now, you might think that’s sort of a strange thing to say, but it’s exactly what I was needing. Because I’ve decided to thank God and bless His Name, even when things in my life don’t go the way I like them, to. And even when I don’t understand. And how can we do that when really tough times come, if we don’t practice doing that on all the little things?

Speaking of actual, real tough times–my favorite part of the tulip festival was going up in this old windmill. It came from the Netherlands, if I remember correctly, and it’s well over two hundred years old. The part that I loved so much was learning that during World War II, a little Jewish boy and a couple of Dutch men were hidden up in the gears.

I love stories like that. I have a deep fondness for people and places that are havens of safety for those who are oppressed and abused. I want my life to be like that for people.

Okay, last picture. The sun did shine a little bit during the festival. And my kiddos got to ride this super old rickety carousel. Even the attendant was like, “Yeah..this is so old, I don’t even know how it’s still working.” I wasn’t deeply comforted by her lack of confidence in the durability of this joyous ride, but I wasn’t too concerned either. Sometimes, you just have to live on the edge.  And I had a blast running alongside the carousel and waving obnoxiously as my children sheepishly grinned and my husband attempted to look the other way.

Well, that’s all the random I have for now. I mean, I do have more, but it’s time to cook some supper.

Until next time…

Ya’ll come back, now ya heaya?