We are home now to our house on the ground. To our grass that was nearly knee high till we finally got it mowed, and our mice who have moved into the attic, and our back door that's about to fall off, and well, to our regular, mess-making chaotic but beautiful life.I keep going for walks out in the yard, thinking, "It's SO great to have a yard! This is my grass! These are our trees! This is our turf! We can dig here and romp around barefoot and plant things but mostly just pull a ton of weeds." It feels SO good. I feel like I've learned some things since we left and moved around a few dozen times last winter and spring. I think God had to take me out of my environment to teach me how to be at peace when I come home.We had a friend over for dinner last night and I didn't even [...]

I remember a job interview once, where I was asked if I had any regrets. I thought that was a funny question. (Maybe they were trying to determine if I had a conscience or not? Ha!) Like, what did they expect me to say? "Yeah, there was the time I tortured this slug with a cup of salt. Gosh. I've never been able to forgive myself." Anyways. I did have regrets and I told them some of them. They smiled and hired me anyways. I guess I didn't come across too far gone. But, I've been thinking lately, about how we really are supposed to process all of that---the stupid things we've done in the past. All the guilt and regret. What do we do with it? And specifically, what do we do with it in light of what Jesus has done for us? Because the thing is, we've all [...]

A little while ago, my friend told me the world is pretty much doomed. I used to walk around believing that. Like, it's just a matter of time, before the ground beneath us quakes and we all go under. But, then I prayed. Like, a thousand times that I wouldn't be so afraid. And I talked to my friends and mentors about my fears. And we prayed together. And I began to rebuke all the spirits of fear in my life. Fear of the future. Fear of scary things happening to my kids. Fear of persecution. Fear of shooters. Fear of bad guys breaking in. I started soaking my mind in some comforting Scriptures. Things like, The Lord has established His throne in the heavens, and His sovereignty rules over all the universe! (Psalm 103: 19) God, You have been my help, and in the shadow of Your win[...]

I found these for you today. Little yellow love letters. God shouting from the ditch, "I'm here! I made all of this. I love you!" A friend reached out to me the other day. She struggles with fear from time to time, and she knows I do too, so she just wanted to talk. She wanted to not feel so alone. Isn't this why we share our struggles and show people our real selves sometimes? Because there are folks out there, wondering if they're the only ones. "Do you still feel overcome by fear, Maggie?" She asked it quiet and then paused to listen. I told her that I still feel afraid for a bit, nearly every day. But, it doesn't take over anymore. It doesn't latch on and suck me under, like it used to. I didn't have much to give her, but I gave her a few things to help. I want to g[...]

Here lately, I’m sad because my friend’s son died. They had to bury him today. Last night was the visitation and a part of me didn’t want to go. Because how do you look your friends in the eyes, who just lost their son and have anything at all to say? How do you know what to do with their bleeding-out heart? When I was talking to God about this, He reminded me of the elephants. When an elephant dies, all the other elephants huddle up close together and sort of sway. They just stay there for a while and though it’s hard for us humans to know what to do with unfathomable loss, we can learn a bit from those big gentle creatures. We don’t have to say profound things. Or any deeply spiritual things. We can just say, "I love you." And "I'm sorry."  We can just show up and be with the pers[...]

The other night, a friend called. She struggles a great deal with fear, anxiety and depression. So, she called to talk. To ask questions. To hash things out. To be prayed for. The thing is, she called me at one of my lowest points. The last few days had been hard for me, too. I’d been bombarded by the same sort of struggles and emotions and I was fighting for my own joy. I let her know right from the get-go that I wasn’t sure how encouraging I’d be. It occurred to me, though, that she wasn’t calling to hear a 10 point lecture on how to overcome fear and conquer anxiety. She was just needing to walk through this with another human being who could understand her and help her in her own battle. Mostly, she needed to know that she wasn’t alone. So, I stepped out the back door and pac[...]

Isn’t it strange how you can be going along in life, just plugging away at all your regular things you do, like sweeping cheerios and dried peanut butter toast up off the floor, and loving your kids and trying to stay connected to your spouse, all the while this anxious stuff is quietly piling up there inside your chest? At first you're blissfully unaware. Because you’re busy and so you think you’re doing just fine. Meanwhile, you skim headlines on the news and your friend writes to tell you her world is falling apart, and a few friends ask you to do them a favor, and the kids keep making messes and you can’t find that one bill, and you’re laying there in bed at night, tired as can be, but for the life of you, you just can’t fall asleep. And this happens more frequently until one[...]

Today I had this anxious heart. It was all tied up in knots and I knew that I could keep knocking out my to-do list at this frantic pace, or I could just come away and be with Jesus for a minute. I chose to come away and be with Jesus. I spilled out my guts to Him and then opened up His Word to Colossians 3 and I began to pray those things into my life. I let His Word make its home inside my heart and I praised my God. Then I sat still in His Presence and breathed deep and let Him calm and quiet my soul. God's perfect love flooded out all my fears. Then I sat on the couch and sang. This is what I sang: I don't know if you've got an anxious heart all tied up in knots, but if so, well, consider this me singing to you. Little heart, why are you troubled? Why do you walk aroun[...]

I haven't written much in a while, mostly because we were gone on a long trip to see family and friends and I wanted to focus on the folks right in front of me. I wanted to really enjoy them. And I did. But, before we left for our trip to Arkansas, I had prayed this little feeble prayer. Sometime in the middle of all the packing and the scrubbing of toilets and carrying out the trash, I had asked God if He would please heal me from fear. I had asked Him specifically if He'd do it while we were in Arkansas, of all places, because fear had begun consuming me again. I struggle with this, and I knew God wanted me to be free but I also knew He had to help me because I was sort of drowning. Fear does that--it has this way of making you feel like you can't breathe, though you're standing in [...]