It's funny. I've been writing on this blog for about five years now. And I recently wrote a book that will come out in August. And yet, the last few days, this has been my prayer, "Lord, teach me how to write. I don't even know how to write." It's not that I don't know how to type words out on a screen. All of us can do that. But, when I come here to this space, I have your faces in my mind and I want to give you my heart, and sometimes I don't know how to do that. I see my friends who are skeptics. Atheists and agnostics. I see my Wiccan friends. My New Age friends. My Jesus-following friends. And my friends who don't know what they believe and don't honestly care. So, I see a whole sea of faces and I don't even know who to write to. But, my friend, Kinsei, teaches me so muc[...]

It's raining here, this slow drizzle, and my kids are having rest time. Gideon is making rambunctious boy noises in there in his room, but hey, at least he's on his bed with his books and I'm in here quietly thinking about love. I'm thinking about how it's hard to love sometimes. Because people aren't always that lovable, and when you love, you inevitably get hurt. And there are these moments when you truly feel stumped. Like, how in the world are you supposed to love a certain someone? Maybe it's a kid that has shut you out of their life because they decided not to forgive you for some parenting failure. Or maybe it's a parent that keeps wanting to be a parent when you just want them to be a friend. Or maybe a husband or a wife, who keeps doing things that you think they shouldn[...]

Last night I had this dream that I was back in college in my single days, and these two guys liked me. In my dream, I really liked being liked. I liked the feeling of being pursued and sought after and chased and all that. And when I woke up, I felt a little sad and kinda confused because here I am this very happily married girl, and sometimes I still dream about that kind of thing. Later, when Brent got up and stumbled down the stairs with his flannel pajamas and hoodie and asked to sit by me on the couch, and share my blanket, I told him about my dream. I told him how I love being married to him and being thoroughly and completely loved but sometimes I miss that mysterious part, where you don't really know each other that well yet, and it still feels tingly when you're touched or [...]

Someday you might wake up and find it hard to love. You know, hard to love those folks right there in your life. In your lap. Or the ones from your past that are miles away. And you may not know what to do about that. Because you know you ought to love. And you know that love heals things and transforms circumstances and love can change people, but you might look inside that heart of yours and notice that the tank is dry. And you may not know where to go for replenishing. There is a well where you can draw from endless springs. There is a God with a heart so full that it overflows and He knows how to pour love into empty, dried up places. But, you'll have to go to Him. And it'll do you good to tell Him that you just don't have what it takes to love. Or to forgive. Or to forbea[...]

We're resting here, now. All of us are resting. Even the kitty. Well, I'm writing and everyone else is resting, but writing is restorative for me. Especially when my mind is busy thinking about lots of things. The last few mornings have been rough. Maybe it's because we're getting antsy from all the snow and cold.  I've got this little boy with all this energy and he doesn't understand why he can't tear through the house at full whirl boy speed and yell at the top of his lungs and crash his cars into the walls. He really needs to go outside, but the snow is practically up to his waist and it's just too doggone cold. So, there's been a lot of yelling and wailing, sobbing and stomping and I've sort of been at a loss. Except that God is here with us and I've been asking Him how [...]

I see you there, crumpling up that sheet of paper, tossing it into the waste basket and wondering if anything good will come out of your life. Or if there will just be this broken record, repeating "failure" and "you don't measure up" and "you don't deserve anything good." I see the way you try. The way you keep getting up and dressing up and showing up and hoping that things don't screw up, again. You get so tired. You're running out of energy and it's had for you to enjoy your life. Do you mind to sit down for just a minute and let me tell you some things? Some true things? Some things that could perhaps restore your soul and give you some hope? Some things that could help you keep going and maybe even set you free? You really can cease your striving. You need soul-rest.[...]

See these two little twirps? I love them with everything that's in me. I love them so much, it actually pains me. When they're fast asleep and I go in to peek at them, with their soft skin, and that little peach fuzz still on their cheeks, and their little beating hearts and their sweet hands and those cute toes, I sometimes just cry because of how much I love them. Every bit.  And golley, how I want to protect them. There's not a doubt in my mind that at any sign of trouble, I'd scoop them up and run to keep them safe, or I'd lay down my life right then and there just to keep theirs going. I'd suffer anything for them. And if they ever got lost, I'd spend my life searching the world for them. I just love them so deep.And I think they need that kind of love. We all do. We need someone[...]

Dear husband of mine,I'm wildly crazy about you. Still. And when a girl is wildly crazy about a man, it's hard for her not to shout it out to the world.There are these moments, in the parking lot at the grocery store, when I look over at you, clutching our little kid's hands in yours, letting them jump and skip, even though it's hard to hold onto them and keep them from getting run over when they jump and skip, that I want to shout it out right there, underneath the blazing sky, for all the parking lot pedestrians to hear, that you are indeed an incredible man. I restrain myself. Because I've seen how you blush. Like, the time I put the peat moss basket on my head in the home and garden aisle and pretended to be asian-of-sorts and nodded and bowed at all the folks we passed. Or the time I [...]

I haven't written much lately because I've been so tired. (We're expecting another little person the middle of August.) When the kids sleep, I sleep. And I'm very thankful for nap time but it doesn't leave me much room for being creative. But, my mind hasn't stopped pondering, of course. It's always going, especially in the quiet hours of the night. (Maybe this is another reason why I'm so tired.)  When the house is hushed and it's just me and my thoughts with my God, I lay awake for a couple hours, thinking and praying about lots and lots of things. It's funny how you don't know all the things your heart is carrying around till it's plumb silent and you're laying still. The other night, I lay awake wishing God would hold me. Do you ever wish that? That the God of the universe, the On[...]