This morning I woke up with a rebel’s heart.

Does that ever happen to you? As a Christ-follower, I want to love God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. And I want to love my neighbor as much as I love myself. According to Jesus, these are the two greatest commandments. But, some days temptation comes and I go all rogue on Him.

Temptation is very tricky. I know you already knew that. But, temptation dangles the thing we crave out in front, without showing us the hook that will catch in the back of our throat.

There are a million different ways to run away from God and rebel against Him, bringing death–the spiritual kind– every time.  But it sure feels good at the moment.

This morning, when I was struggling along, and realizing this particular temptation could easily go on all day if I let it, I decided to get the markers and the paper out and draw a little altar. (In case you were wondering, that’s what that weird image is.) I drew in the stones and then placed the wood on top and then lit the fire.  I wrote out that beautiful life-giving verse and killed the thing that would have sucked my life away, if I didn’t crucify it in my flesh.

Next, I emailed Brent and just let him know what was going on in my heart. He wrote back. Here’s a few things he said,

Hey Babe,
Thanks for letting me know what you’re thinking, feeling, and struggling with.  I want this year to be our closest year together and with God.

Thanks for saying no to your flesh and wanting to be free.  You should read  the 4th and 5th Fenelon readings this morning.  It’s all about this, and had helped my mind and heart start the day off in a great place laying down my self will.

I prayed for you and me just now.  Looking forward to having lunch with you.

It’s funny how when we’re tempted and decide to rebel for a little while, we don’t really want to tell another soul. We want to somehow secretly recover and hope that it never happens again, so that we can save face. When in reality, the way to truly recover may actually be getting some help from a trusted friend.  I’m glad I have Brent.

Now, this particular temptation that I’m struggling with isn’t completely gone for the day. It still pops back in when I’m not focusing on anything else. I know it so well. It’s something I’ve struggled with off and on, most of my life.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let that grace now like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

Here’s to pressing on. To running toward Jesus with my real self, instead of away from Him.

Grace to you to my friends. May Jesus be your greatest Treasure.