You wanna know the truth about me?

The truth is, I do more striving than I do resting. I want to have a peaceful disposition, no matter what chaotic things are going on around me. But, I stress a lot.

I stress about the crud on the kitchen floor. The piles of laundry. The ring in the toilet bowl. (Okay, let’s get real. There’s not really a ring. The entire inside is like a whole weird shade of grey.)

I stress about the dirty dishes. The overgrown flower beds. The spider webs in the corner. About whether or not I’m investing in my children. Whether or not I’m loving my neighbors. I stress if I’m writing too much. Or not enough. Or from the right motives. Or about the right things.

Truth is, I have the awfullest time overcoming myself with all my weaknesses. I want to be a runner. But, I hate to run. I tried to go a couple months without eating dessert. But, I only made it a couple weeks.

There are days, when I’m just ridiculously insecure. So much so, that I feel embarrassed at myself, especially when it starts to show.

Truth is, I care way too much about what others think, in spite of my efforts to just forget about me and go on with my work.

Truth is, I marvel at my own meager progress at becoming like Jesus. And I wonder what this could mean. Will others look at me and come to the conclusion that He must not be that powerful (or real) after all?

Last night, I sighed the biggest ole’ sigh and picked up some stray pieces around the house and put them back in their places and just talked to God about all these things. I’m learning to pray more honest prayers. To invite Him into my thinking process instead of waiting till I have it a bit figured out before I come to Him. Truth is, I never have it much figured out, so it’s better to just go on ahead and talk to Him.

So at dinner, I left my dear husband at the supper table to keep stuffing food into our kid’s mouths and I went for a jog. In the rain.

I lifted my face up to the wet sky and let the rain wash my cheeks. My Maker counseled my heart. As I ran carefree down the street.

I remembered that I’m not the sort of girl who is all organized and put-together, no matter how much I’d like to be. I’m the sort of personality who runs through the puddles instead of on the pavement (so I did that.)

For every puddle I jumped in, and ditch that I splashed through, there was this blissfully happy release.  I lifted my hands up to the sky and praised the One who made the rain and me.

Truth is, God knows my frame. He remembers that I’ve come from the dust. He’s tender and full of compassion toward me. (see Psalm 103)

Truth is, in Christ, I’m this brand new creature. Old things have passed away. New things are well on their way! (see 2 Corinthians 5:17)

Truth is, He who began a good work in me is gonna complete it until the day that Christ returns. (see Philippians 1:6)

There’s just so much good news in the gospel, and so I choose to get my cues about who I am from Christ. I let Him inform my thinking instead of staying in that stressful, striving place.

And the good news is? I don’t have to climb any ladders today. I don’t have to perform. Or try to measure up. Or try to muster up some “good enough.” Because Jesus, He already loves me. The real me. He knew I couldn’t work hard enough or be good enough to make it all the way up there to Him.

So, He came down here and lived a perfect life so that all I need to do is trust Him. Trusting Jesus is only easy when I’m close enough to Him to truly know Him.

There’s time for a run in the rain. There’s time here to just live my life with Jesus. Today, yeah, there are messes. And difficult relationships. And wonky emotions to push through. But, I do those things in relationship to Him. I get to know Him better. To scoot right up close to Him. Whether my house is put together or if it’s a wreck. Whether I’m scribbling down words to help others or taking some time to just be quiet. Whether I’m feeling confident or insecure.

Truth is, I’m secure in Him. He’s got me. He’s got all this.

That’s good news for me (and you) today.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fouQRbBgggk