In case of the event that you find yourself challenged to a balloon war, there are some things you need to know in order to be a success.

First and foremost, you need to get your game face on. You need to get your game face on because balloon wars are very serious matters and you’ve got to begin by intimidating your opponent. You don’t want him to make a mockery of you, do you? 

Next, you need to be sure that you’re the first to do the whacking. Show your scrawny opponent that you mean business and that your balloon is a very macho balloon and not a sissy one. You need to stick your balloon in his face and show him that. It’s imperative that he fears you, and your balloon and your amazing balloon whacking skills.

Now, your opponent may try to taunt you with his silly smack talk and balloon banter, but do not heed him. He is only bluffing. He really is scared. Really. He is. Just keep focused. And continue whacking.

You might even try this distraction tactic: Simply wave your balloon with rapid speed in front of your face until all he sees is a blur…

then BAM! Lambaste him with all your might while making loud shrieking squealing noises come out of your mouth.

When he is nice and deaf and at his wit’s end, confiscate his balloon while maintaining your bully face.

Then say something like, “Ooooh…whatsa-matta? Too slow for da-Buubby? Huh? Huh? Huh?”

Then return his balloon and continue buffeting him with yours…

Smack!

Thrash! Thump!

Shake-y, shake-y, shake-y.

Whallop! Wham!

Then yell,”I DID IT! I’m the balloon war champion!!!”

And chuckle to yourself as he cries in the background.

But don’t chuckle too long. You might scare him plumb off. Besides, you never know when you might need someone to play with later.