The weather has turned cold on me and I've become this shameful wimp, preferring the warmth of the great indoors to the adventure of the great outdoors. We haven't gone out in three days. I think that's a record. I'm not exactly proud.  But, my artist friend tells me that there are so many good things about the cold and winter coming. She tells me how everything has it's own season, and the cold is for tucking in and being more still and quiet and for making art. She says it's when the creatives get all creative. So, I look forward to that--making art. And I've got this book writing project, so I've taken a little time each day to craft with words. It feels good, to look out my window and see the sun but still feel warm in here, all tucked away and eager to create.I've felt [...]

Some days I'm plumb full of thankfulness, for all these little things. Like how I've got all this blue right above my head and that the yard is full of leaves and the day is still warm. And how there's this big field just across from where I live, and that my two little ones still take a nap so I can rest, or write, or pray, or just think.And I'm thankful I can breathe, in and out, deep breaths and there's no pain. And my legs are strong and sturdy and I can run if I want, or skip or twirl. And that I've got all this freedom and the loud noise outside my window isn't a sound of war or something scary, just my neighbor Doug, off to work on his motorcycle.And I've got these eyes to see. To take in all the light and to marvel at the last blazing shades of yellow or bright crimson red, still c[...]

In the early hours of the morning, while all was still silent and quite dark, I jolted wide awake with this sharp pain in my abdomen. Now, I realize that it was just some gas perhaps, (as embarrassing as that is to admit) but at the moment I prepared myself for a trip to the ER for a ruptured appendix. The pain itself didn’t actually last long, but something about it got me to thinking why it is that I really want to live. I think about how I want to especially be here for Gideon and Hope. Those little people who follow me around everywhere I go and yell, “MOMMY” a jillion times a day and wreck the house I try to keep clean and ask so many questions that my brain goes numb. I want to be here for them. Because in spite of all the ruckus and all the chaos and all the need they have, I really[...]

Today I walked out in the yard in the rain just to feel alive. Sometimes I do that. Stop everything I'm doing for a few moments just to be. It does occur to me every once in a while that I've been given this gift of life and that God wants me to enjoy it. Seriously enjoy it. And I don't know why, but I've felt bad about enjoying life. For one thing, there's terrible things happening to people on the earth and it does seem strange to me that I'm sitting in my quiet, peaceful yard, admiring a sunflower. I confess, I have trouble knowing what to make of that.But, I know God made me and He made this sunflower and He gave me this yard and this beautiful life, and so I thank Him. And when I don't know what else to do, I thank Him for what's right in front of me. And I tell God, sometimes I just [...]

This morning, I sat on the couch while the kids played and cried just a little bit. I cried because I could feel the season change, the way everything turns, and I realized how much I loved the day long and the light warm and the grass and trees all green and growing. Summer is still here, kinda, because it's feeling chilly already, but I was missing it before it even left, and I wasn't ready for this change. I wanted to squeeze out some more barefoot, lightening bug catching, cicada singing, sand in our hair moments. So, the kids and I loaded up and we headed for the nearest beach. Like I said, it was a bit chilly--I probably should have packed some sweatshirts, but we found a patch of sunlight and played in the warm spots. Thankfully, the water was still warm and the minnows were te[...]

Sometimes it takes these quiet moments of them falling fast asleep before it occurs to me, and I have to catch my breath, just how head-over-heels madly in love I am with them. These children of mine--God's little masterpieces. Growing so big already and I've only had them for a little while. When I was three and a half, I don't know where I was. At times I was with relatives and sometimes living with complete strangers because my mom would walk into a house and drop me off. Often I was in and out of foster homes, always at the mercy of whatever grown-ups my birth parents or the social workers left me with. So, I gaze at him and marvel how I ever got to grow up and have him at all. When Gideon was just a baby, I remember how I couldn't stop staring at him. Couldn't believe how beautiful he[...]

 If the winter doesn't go away, and keeps coming at you with all it's wintry, winterness, don't get discouraged.  Just get your sled.   And get your sister. And find a big hill. And try to point yourself in the right direction if you can.But, if that doesn't work out as planned, just hold on.And keep holding on. And yell for help if you need to.And if you can't move your arms, just yell louder.Someone will surely come.Eventually.Like, a neighbor.Or a stray cat.Or a wandering crow.Someone or something will come.Just keep yelling.And then get back on your sled and do it again.Just don't forget to hoot-n-holler.Because fun intensifies to the ninetieth degree when you hoot-n-holler.And when you can't move your legs, just yell.And keep yelling.Someone will su[...]

Sometimes when I'm tucking Gideon in to bed, he wants me to tell him a story. And so I run back through the memories in my mind to try to find one, because the best stories are always the true ones, the ones that happened at a real time in a real place. And it's hard for me to push through the muddled mess of recent things like groceries lists and task lists and heavy thoughts from the day, so I just start talking about when me and "Uncle Dave" were little and before I know it, a vivid memory comes dashing toward the front like an old friend.The other day, I began something like this...When Uncle Dave and I were little, we lived on a river. And every once in a while, Pa would ask us if we wanted to go on a boat ride and we always said yes because we always wanted to. And so me and Pa and U[...]

The secret to happiness...Can't be found in all the stuff.(For after all, haven't you noticed that we always just need that one more thing?)And it's not in the flattering accolades and descriptions behind our names.(Because validation only makes us feel good for a moment...and then we're hungry for some more.)The secret to happiness...Is realizing that it's never very far away. Sometimes it's just right there in front of you.You just have to slow down enough to see.