In case of the event that you find yourself challenged to a balloon war, there are some things you need to know in order to be a success. First and foremost, you need to get your game face on. You need to get your game face on because balloon wars are very serious matters and you've got to begin by intimidating your opponent. You don't want him to make a mockery of you, do you?  Next, you need to be sure that you're the first to do the whacking. Show your scrawny opponent that you mean business and that your balloon is a very macho balloon and not a sissy one. You need to stick your balloon in his face and show him that. It's imperative that he fears you, and your balloon and your amazing balloon whacking skills. Now, your opponent may try to taunt you with his silly smack talk and ba[...]

Dear Everybody, I thought you should know that I’m gonna be a Harley man when I get big. I’m gonna be a Harley man named Big-man Biker Bub and I'll join a Harley chapter and participate in Harley chapter activities and make lots of Harley friends.Yeah. Even though my mom said it wasn't a good idea. She said motorcycles are dangerous. She thinks I might drive real fast. She thinks I might get a big belly. And I might get too hot in that black leather outfit and I might pass out. And I might get deaf because they're very, very loud. And I might get other people deaf that are not Harley riders. And she said people might get the wrong impression and think I'm just a big ole' mean guy.But the good news is, I already have a helmet so my head won't get hurt. I mean, my head will probably get[...]

Good mornin' folks. We're up here at the Slam-dunk contest and we've got 2 season champion, Bubby Paulus at the hoop...that's right, folks, he's been slammin' dunks since he was 6 months.He surveys the crowd. He gathers his thoughts. He adjusts his pants. He burps. He steadies himself for another win.He's got the ball. He tightens his grip. He looks around for the basket.   He spots the basket. It's high, but not too high. He's short, but not too short. Ready...Aim....SHOOT! Bubby flies through the air. He does a triple-spin deluxe. He manages three flips off the back-board. He touches his toes. He does the splits. Ouch. He decides to never do the splits again. Oh, wait. He gets his hands stuck in the net. Oh, shoot. This is embarrassing. He fumbles the ball. He ge[...]

 You know a sugar high is coming when... Your mother hands you your very own dessert and you're determined from the get-go that you'll be gobbling down that whole big thing. And when you leave no finger un-licked, no crumb un-nibbled, no drizzle un-slurped.And you can be sure the sugar high is coming when although you know you really should slow down and savor each little morsel... You cram it down like you just don't care.And when you're feeling pretty stuffed and can't imagine taking one more bite...You go ahead and take twenty. But when you start to get the jitters and your head feels a little funny...And you're compelled to yell, "I'm CWAZY! I'm CWAZY!!!"Well, then it's probably true...you're on a sugar high.And if immediately after the crazy talk, you feel sad and [...]

 Mama, do you think my hands got bigger today? Because I was thinkin' since it's my birfday that I can run a whole tons faster.  And do you think we can go to that man-store today? That one called Lowe's? Because since it's my birfday I was hoping I could go there and play in those toilets that they have just sittin' out so I can play in 'em. And I was plannin' on opening all those drawers they have on those cabinets at that man-store and maybe even climbin' on all those mowers. You know, since it's my birfday? And I also have in my head that I'd like to have full reign of the pantry...you know--like without you comin' in here to check on me every five seconds. And I'd like to empty out all the cabinets without having to put anything away. And no yelling today, okay mama? No[...]

Once upon a time there was this abominable snow man, with evil red eyes, whose name was Mr. Winter. Deep down in his cold, calloused meany-head heart, he had some news. Some bad news. And he was looking for someone to tell it to. He was hoping to ruin someone's day.So, he wandered up and down the streets for hours until he heard a small little voice. The small little voice was coming from a wee little man, who happened to be playing in his yard. For, you see, he was tired of being in the stuffy indoors and needed some fresh air. So, Mr. Winter made his way up the wee little man's driveway and cleared his throat, (because that's what abominable snow men do, right before they want to tell you their very bad news.)"Ahem...hello there little man," chirped Mr. Winter. "I am Mr. Winter and I com[...]

It's always a good idea to have a plan in the winter. You just never know when you might be faced with an emergency situation of glacial proportions. Freezing temperatures can descend upon you with rapid speed and you're gonna need to be prepared. And by prepared, I mean, you're gonna need a source of food. Some sort of nourishment that will hold you over till your next snack. So, unless you're lookin' to conk out in the bitter cold, you better listen up.  Mistake #1. Eating snow. Don't do it. (And especially never, ever, ever eat yellow snow--ugh, I can't believe I even have to mention that!) See, a lot of people mistake this fluffy white stuff as a substantial food source. Um, don't be that person.Icicles, however...now, they're altogether different. Especially ones with a bit [...]

The #1, top, very best thing about our vacation to the beach...that is, according to Bubby: Hey Bubby, remember when we got to go on that vacation and we rode on that airplane and we flew all the way to Florida? And we saw the beach?Yeah. And that elevator.  Uh, yes, but remember that airplane? Wasn't that cool that we got to ride up there in the sky? And we saw those clouds, we were on top of the clouds in that really big huge AIRPLANE!Yeeaaah. It took us to that elevator. Well, actually it took us to the beach. Remember? Can you say beeeeeeach? Wasn't the beach amazing?Yeah. We went down to that beach so we could get on that elevator. Um...actually we rode the elevator so we could go down to that beach. Ohhh, remember the dolphins? We saw DOLPHINS!  No. I don't rememb[...]

Aaaawe…nottin better than a nice relaxing drive on a wintry afternoon up and down the driveway. This. Is. The. Life!(Yawn.)Besides, a guy's gotta do somethin besides crush cheerios and unload the cabinets all day.Now, if only I could find a good tune here….oh yeah, baaaby, found it!Aaaaa Beeeee Ceeee Deeeee…. No, wait, I need something a little more up-beat...oh yeah, yeah--here we go.Twinkle, twinkle, liiitle st...(Chuga, chuga, umph….hissssssssssssss.)Huh? What was that? Oooh, you’ve got to be kiddin me. I always heard that if your car’s gonna break down, it’s gonna either be during a tornadic disturbance or a snow storm.  Welp, better get out and take a look around.  Stuck? Tongue is stuuck. It's STUCK!!!And, oh no! I can't move my aaaarms. I can't get up!Uh...h[...]