Category archives: Bubby Adventures

The Proper Way to Eat a Doughnut

Hey guys--Bubby, here. I would like to make an announcement. At the wee age of nineteen months, I've properly mastered the art of doughnut consumption.(Get ready for some raw talent here, folks.)I come by this quite honestly. I'm an offspring of people who unabashedly slam on breaks and squeal their tires soon as they spot the glowing red sign at Krispy Kreme. (They assure me that everybody takes advantage of the free doughnuts and gingerly walks out...but it's still embarrassing.)Anyways, as a rule, I make it my aim to cram in as many doughnuts as my little mouth can hold and repeat "Fluffy bunny" four times fast.It's always nice to mix a little snot in there with 'em as I scarf 'em down.Gives you kind of a sugar-high, you know?Woe....puuuurple dragons are coooool.Now, where's the milk?

Elmer Fudd Hits The Punkin' Patch

Well, it’s wabbit season and I was hopin’ to hunt me down a wabbit, but I’m oughta buwwets, so I’ll just have to use me a pumpkin. Alwighty now, if only I could find me a good widdle pumpkin. No, wait. That one's not a good thwowin size...I need a small that I can thwow real faw at 'em and bwow him ta smithewines. Now, this one’s a good widdle guy... Come heaya you waskily widdle pumpkin, you. Starts singing... I've been working on the wailwoad, all the wive, wong day... Yep...this is the one.Now, whewe’s that pesky wabbit? I’m gonna put 'em out of his misewy.

The Proper Care and Nurturing of a Kitty

I, Bubby, would like to take the next few moments of your time to instruct you in proper kitty-handling.First, you scope out your victim, I mean, kitty.Actually, any one will do, so long as they are smaller and more helpless than you are.Then, you approach him cautiously and carefully.It's helpful if you coax him with your high-pitched squealing voice while repeating the phrase, "Heeeeeere, kitty kitty kitty....heeeeeerre, kitty kitty."If your kitty doesn't heed your charmful wooing and flees for refuge from the clutches of your tyrannical grip, simply pin him down and reassure him that you only mean him good and not evil.You may sense the need to calm his nerves by singing, "I love you...foreeever...I'll like you....for long as I'm living, my kitty you'll be."Be sure you squee[...]

On Top of the World

We recently acquired a slide from a kind neighbor. Now, the story Bubby's own version, of course.Oh, mother, there's really nothing better after playing in the water hose than conquering a slide.It's actually a great feat to climb this thing while your pants are soakin wet and your diaper's extra heavy and there's rocks in your shoes and your shirt's a-smellin like dirt and grubs.But alas, this feat is not too much for me. You see, I am a Bubby-Warrior. There is no toy slide too high that I would not dare to climb it.I know I'm just a youngin' but I must show the world that there is nothing to fear but fear itself. I think a really important person said that.Now, mama, I hear you chuckling. You may not think I'm so brave, but do consider--this slide may be one small step for gr[...]

Dear Dad...

Dear Dad, may I please have one of those kitties from Grandpa's barn? Mom said that I should ask. She said that I should ask because I'm really cute and I would look really cute with a kitty.She said that you probably wouldn't mind cleaning out the litter box for her since she can't really do that right now since she has a kid in her belly.I've been doing some research and did you know that petting a kitty helps you feel calmer in life? I think it helps you sleep better. And besides, we could train it to eat the moles in the yard. Mommy says you hate the moles and you want them dead and if they were all dead, then you would be calmer in life and sleep better.So, what do you say? Kitty? Please? Mole-eating kitty? We could name him Varmint-Slayer. What about the Mole Assassin? I know, I know[...]

An Apple A Day Keeps the Carrots Away

Bubby, you know I love you, right?And in order for me to be a good mommy, I have to feed you something besides peanut butter and jelly from now on.No thanks, Mom. I plan to live the rest of my life on this stuff.I really (smack, chomp) think we should keep life simple and just stick to this ooo-ee, gooyey galore that sticks to your innards.Besides, what other food has a better theme song?PEANUUUT, PEANUT BUUTTER...and jelly.That's cute, Bubby...real cute, but I still have to feed you something else.What you need are some fruits and vegetables.Fruits and vegeta-what?VEGETABLES. They'll help you grow healthy and strong. You know, things like broccoli...spinach...carrots...Carrots? BLAH! Not even Daddy likes carrots.And I don't care if they do help me see better. I can see just fine.I can se[...]

When He's Sleeping...

After I listen to his muffled tired sobs for a little while and he finally gives in and falls asleep, I wait just a little longer till he's good and out...Then I sneak in and tiptoe around the toys just to peek over the crib to see him there.I like to see him there, all still and quiet and peaceful and oblivious and at rest.His chubby thighs...his soft little feet...his crazy mess of hair.And for some reason, I get this hilarious feeling in my gut and I start laughing and have to run quickly out of the room...Or, I get this ache and I start to cry because he's so peaceful and he's just a little guy and I want it to always be that way.The peaceful fears...just sweet rest.And I pray for him.

Bubby Meets the Mongrel

This month we're dog-sitting for some friends.Just wanted to include you in the life and times of Bubby and the Mongrel.Bubby, Mommy wants you to meet someone...her name is Annie...I think. For now, we'll call her Smelly Breath.Oh, HI, Smelly Breath! I liiiike you. I like your widdle ears.Come to da Bubby.That's like me!You want to submit to my every command.I have great plans for you, Smelly...we will play hide-n-seek......and give each other smooches...and noogies!Mommy, can we keep Smelly forever?I promise to share all my favorite toys with her.What's mine will be hers.What's hers will be mine.I'll teach her cool tricks, like how to pick up all my toys for me...and how to fetch me some snacks from the pantry.Yep..we'll go on lots of adventures together.I will comfort her in [...]

Bubby Meets the Pickle

Hey Mom, what's that you got up there? Smells kind-a weird. But it must be good the way you're gnawing on that thing. Hand it over.I need to try a bite or three.Oh my word!What in tarnations is this thing?Is it really edible? Smells like fermented rubber. Tastes like it, too.What did you do? Leave this out on the counter for weeks?I've got to find a better use for this thing.Take that you despicable baby toy! (Whack! WHACK!)My weapon is no match for you. Now DIE! (Whack!)Sheesh! This thing is indestructible!I still can't believe Mom actually eats these things.Ohhh...hurts my belly.And my tongue is starting to feel kind-a swell-y.Hey, that rhymes. And here's another rhyme:Pickles are sourPickles are stinkyI wouldn't eat one,If you twisted my pinky.Okay, enough of that...Now, let's see. I've[...]

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