Category archives: Reflections on life

When You Just Need to Be Filled

Some days I feel kinda fragile inside. My emotions don't obey me and they do such strange things and I feel scattered and scared. There's these times when I really want to be strong and unwavering, but I just feel so weak. Like, I need an anchor or something solid for my soul. I need a refuge. Somewhere to run and rest a while.And I feel hungry. And I don't mean the physical kind of hunger, but the deep inside kind. I need some soul nourishment, something substantial, something my spirit can chew on that'll make me strong again.I read that I was made this way. All of us made with that ache. That need for filling. A Someone who is kind enough to care and strong enough to save. A Refuge. A Rock. A Nourisher of soul-hunger.So, when I'm scared I run. Fragile-hearted, I flee. Right for the Re[...]

When God Doesn't Do What You Ask

My redbud died. Well, actually it was Hope's. We got it to celebrate her first birthday and planted it sometime early September. And it looked beautiful those autumn months--some of those heart shaped leaves turning crimson just before falling off. I had tried to picture it years down the road, how it would look in that spot and wondered if little hands and feet would climb into it's branches and I'd thought about planting phlox underneath. It never occurred to me that this little "Hope-tree" wouldn't make it through the winter.And for weeks after the grass sprung up and the crocus bloomed and the daffodils came, I had walked out to that tree and looked for new growth. But, it never came. All the other redbuds have been at their peek all over our neighborhood, but not this little guy.I ben[...]

What the Morning Brought

 Early I awoke when the morning was still dark. I stepped outside to greet the day and thank the God who filled the sky with stars. The stars, they shined all clear and bright and blinking. I had worried in the night, because the world is not as it should be and that makes my heart break. I'd tossed and turned and thought and prayed and so I stood out there tired and quiet, the cold making me come alive. And later when the sun came up over that one hill, that hill that grows tall with corn in the summer, the one I see out my front window, I spied something beautiful. Sometime in those dark, cold, quiet hours, He'd been making art on the Jeep while I found sleep. And when the God who fills up the night with stars makes art, I always go out to see. I wondered at His handiwork. Had [...]

Come Awake

Today I marry my pictures with Crowder's song, Come Awake, because I've been listening to this and I just can't explain to you how much it helps me. All I can do is post it here for you and hope somehow you feel it, too.Regarding the pictures, I just walked around the house, inside and out, looking for life. And I found it! I was so surprised to find it--all this living among the dead.So, if you will, just push play, then scroll down. Are we left here on our own? Can you feel when your last breath is gone? Night is weighing heavy now. Be quiet and wait for a voice that will say... Come awake! From sleep arise! You were dead, become alive. Wake up! Wake up! Open your eyes.Climb from your grave into the light. Bring us back to life.You are not the only one.[...]

What I Learned from Some Dirt and Dust

We go to the desert and I'm amazed at all the dirt. There's just so much dust and rocks and grit in this world. And here we are walking around on it. All of us. I watch them walk up the sandy trail and it grips me. Something about this change of scenery makes my heart stand still and I can't stop thinking about how He loves us. How very much He loves us. I'm amazed by this and it's almost as if I could see His love come running as we walk around on all the dirt.We sit in the sun, beside the cactus and the brush and it's humbling, really.I mean, we've erected a lot of structures from this stuff. We stack our bricks and make our buildings tall and grand and we build big cities and there we do such important things and we get big heads and ginormous egos.And yet when reduced, it's all just sa[...]

When You're Worn Thin

 I'm pluggin' along here, though I'm tired. I've been tired for days and can't seem to shake it. Maybe I should'a been listening to my mama when she told me to take my vitamins. But, it's not too hard to plug along when you have something to look forward to. Our little family gets to get on an airplane soon and head to Arizona to see my family. I'm so looking forward to that- spending time with them. Oh...and being warm. And wearing flip-flops. And a t-shirt. And being outside. And seeing cactus. And some sand. And palm trees. And maybe eating some rattlesnake fries somewhere. Right now we're covered in snow and I like snow, except the part where you have to drive in it. Last night we ventured out and I was on edge because it was comin' down thick and blowin everywhere.  Bu[...]

A Tribute to My Pa

My Pa is a mechanic. He's pretty much always been a mechanic. Ever since he was a young man, thirteen to be exact, he remembers helping his Pa put a motor in a car. (Well, he helped his Pa by handing him the tools. Before you can be a mechanic, you have to first be willing to be the tool-handler.) My Pa is a mighty fine mechanic. He really knows what he's doing. Did you know that mechanics don't actually know what's wrong with your car when you tell them what noise it's making? You can mimic the best broken car noise you know how, and a good mechanic will stand there, give you a courtesy nod, and then chuckle at your ridiculous antics and facial expressions later. One time when I was like 16 or so and I was driving my car around town, I got scared. I got scared because my car [...]

How I'm Learning to Live: Resolutions for Mental Health

When I was a little girl, I would play for hours in my yard or in the woods after school because there I felt the remedies of God in nature. I still do. Even now as I sit at my desk and scribble these words down, I can't help but look up again and again to drink in all the beauty filling up my view outside this window. There's just something about all the wild things. God speaks volumes to me through a tree, a leaf, a blade of grass. I know it's strange to say, but when I'm outside, something inside me heals.As I've grown older and have looked around at life, I've found that most of us go about our days with this busy rush of living. I wonder if our frantic pace has impaired our vision? It isn't that we don't see enough, it's that we don't see well enough. The sky [...]

What I Really Want From Today

I want to have unbroken fellowship with my Creator. The One who knit me together, who molded and fashioned me like clay in a potter's hand. The One who formed life from dust and makes beautiful things out of jars of clay. I want to hear His voice. To follow His lead. To feel His love.I want to gut-believe in the good hand of God toward me. To trust Him in a wild abandoning way. The reckless kind that knows no fear because of the sure belief that He is good and that everything He does is good and I am held. I want to breathe in and out His grace. To open my hand to whatever He gives. To know that whatever trouble and pain I stumble upon in the path ahead are not circumstances that I should fear, but life-lines meant to draw me closer into the tender heart of Him who one day will right [...]

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