Category archives: Reflections on life

Seeing Through

I don't get out to the woods as often as I used to. When I was just a girl, I'd venture out to the wild frequently. I'd go to think and to talk out loud to God and just to wonder at all the beauty I could find. And it wasn't hard to find it--I just had to go and look. And by look, I mean, stand still and see. Now that I'm a mama to two little ones, it gets a little more complicated. The woods keep calling me, but I just don't always get to come. But sometimes I just can't help myself. Like the other day, when me and Bubby were all bundled up. I glanced over at the wild edge and saw something I couldn't resist seeing more of. So, I scooped up my little guy (as heavy as he is) and tramped through the snow. Then, I set him down beside me in a knee-deep drift and said, "Wait just a second...Mo[...]

When I'm Not Living the Way I Really Want to Live

Today, Grammy (Brent's mama) gave me an amazing gift. She came over for the afternoon to play with the kiddos while I got to do whatever my little heart desired. So, I packed up my back-pack (well, actually it was the diaper bag because in case you didn't know, the new cool is carrying around a diaper bag) and I headed out to the local coffee shop.Do you wanna know what I put in my diaper bag...ahem...cool back-pack? Well, I was gonna put the lap-top in there but then I thought about what I most needed...and that was my Bible. Just my Bible and a journal.You see, lately, I've been missing something. I've been missing some quiet alone time with my Savior. I do try to read His Word each day, but usually, it's in between breakfast and play-time when I'm trying to keep Bubby from falling out o[...]

The Basics

I don't know about you, but I'm a feeler. Emotionally, I walk around in life feeling just about everything. It's easy for me to enter in to people's joy or pain. I don't really know any other way. Now, this works out great when I'm experiencing the happy moments with others, but when it comes to grief...ouch...I just start hurting, and hurting, and hurting.A strange thing happens inside me. I feel this tension within and my mind gets a little blurry and I become confused.Because on the one hand, I see so much beauty all around. There's all this light falling on unassuming places. These radiant beams that make ordinary things glorified. And this thrills me. Gives me hope. I breathe in deeply and feel comforted.But on the other hand, I see decay. Beauty marred. The once glorified now w[...]

The Helper of Me

The are a various sundry of things that I would like to write to you about on this fine Autumn-ish evening, but one thing surpasses all the other things on my heart. I have to tell you that Jesus helps me. Every day. In all my moments.Just last night, Brent and I weren't getting along very well. And this morning when we woke up, it seemed like we still didn't like each other. But we've started this new thing. With God's help, we've been trying to read the Bible and pray together in the mornings.Now, I must say, it's awfully hard to pray with someone when you're cross toward them. And it's just as hard to read God's Word when you know that it says in there to forgive others just like He forgave you...and you're sitting there in your pride, holding a grudge.But somehow, we mumbled a few feeb[...]

When You've Been Rescued

She sat directly across from me and as my check-up came to a close, I thanked her for being a doctor."It's very fulfilling," she replied, "when I get to deliver a baby for couples like you. I can say, congratulations, and actually mean it. It's hard to mean it when young teenage girls come in and they don't even know who the dad is. Or when the mom is on drugs...you feel like the baby is just doomed, you know?"I shook my head in agreement. Doomed. It echoed in the back of my mind. And then I said to myself what I wish I would have spoken out loud to her, "Doomed...except for the fact that there is a rescuing God. I came from one of those mothers....I guess I should have been doomed."And it's true. My birth parents were drug and alcohol addicts...I remember loving the taste of beer at a ver[...]

When You Feel Like You're Just Existing

Yesterday was a struggle for joy. Some days I just forget the meaning of life. I actually forget why I'm here and what's the point of everything and I sit at the table at the end of the day and mention to Brent that I feel like I'm just existing.My brain gets fuzzy and I feel confused because I look around me and there are so many things to be happy about and to be thankful for...but for some reason, joy just isn't there.What if Who I believe in isn't true? What if we just come to the end and find that all there is, is nothing.Doubt. Worry. Fear.Now, why am I here again? What is it that's so important? Would someone please help me see?I whisper prayers and voice my thoughts. Questions still come.I ask for eyes to see.I stop to gaze at black-eyed Susans. What is the meaning of all thi[...]

How to Savor Joy

There are countless ways that God graces our lives with His Presence...we only need eyes to see.He whispers His love to us in a thousand different languages.At times He shouts it out.We only need ears to hear.There's a joy-song just waiting to be sung with our lives.It's intoxicating and relentless.We only need a heart in tune.Lord, please wash away the blindness from our eyes. Please take away the deafness from our ears. And Jesus, please take the hardness from our hearts. We need eyes to truly see...ears to truly hear...hearts that can feel You. Especially in this daily grime of life. You are our Joy. We long to savor You.

Some days are harder than others

Today was a hard day. Some days are just like that, you know? I felt like such a wimp, emotionally. Gideon is at this stage where he's no longer very fond of his toys and would prefer to play with cell phones, keys, the lap-top, toxic cleaning supplies, the toilet bowl and all the other "no touchies."And not only that, but he's been getting frustrated so easily. If he doesn't get something right away, he throws himself on the floor and begins banging his poor little head. Or he just starts smacking himself in the noggin while repeatedly yelling, "NO!" Or, then there's the occasional biting whatever is nearest to him...the chair, the toy, my leg.Now, please don't misunderstand. I really like this little guy, I do. And I'm not lookin' to ship him off to Abu Dhabi, just yet. But some da[...]

The Brevity of Life

Today I'm feeling the temporariness of this life. I'm not sure why I'm so keenly aware of it on this particular morning. Sometimes after Brent scoots off to work and it's just me and Gideon in the house, and I've read some Scripture and talked to my Maker and looked out the window and thought deep and long about life...I feel this certain quickening in my spirit...a sense of urgency, perhaps.It dawns on my--wow, these days that come and go so quickly are all so brief. All these flowers bloom and the light shines on them and they are just so glorious...for a day or two...and then they fade, wither, perish.All flesh is like grass and all it's glory like the flower of the grass. The grass withers and the flower falls, but the Word of the Lord remains forever. 1 Peter 1:24-25And then there's[...]

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